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September 05, 2008 10:29 AM- two steps forward . . .
Dear Obama,
Yesterday morning I acted in haste.
Because I was so pressed for time, I did not process the heat of my emotions particularly well and dropped down into the mosh pit so that I could yank on Sarah Palin's hair (and okay, maybe I scratched her face a bit, too).
I have let you down. And for this, I am truly sorry.
Throughout this long campaign, I have never ceased to marvel at how you steadfastly refused to drop into the mosh pit. People slammed you and slurred you and slapped mud all over you, and you calmly took a handkerchief out from your pocket and wiped it off.
I admire you so deeply for this. It is one thing to think you can keep from returning aggression with aggression, it's another thing ENTIRELY to actually do it.
Political experts said you would never survive the Clintons if you did not fight back, and I believed them and I worried for you. But you prevailed.
And yesterday, I failed.
Sure it was defensive. Sarah Palin had been so nasty and ugly about you I just wanted to punch her in the face. My reaction is understandable-- it's what humans do, animal instinct and all that. The thing is, I have worked so hard on this in my own life-- all those years I logged in corporate life battling directly with men (for the most part) I really, really tried to not return aggression with aggression and smothered them in love instead. And, oddly, it really worked-- hell if I didn't keep getting promoted left and right.
And yet, and yet-- yesterday. Sigh.
So I was driving home from a long day yesterday (new semester! new classes! very happy!), but felt that terrible, awful backdraft that happens for me following a blast of anger. I know for some people anger is an energizer, but not for me. Anger sucks everything good out of me-- to continue my Harry Potter references from yesterday-- for me, anger is like those creatures that come and suck the life force out of you-- what the hell were they called again? (I only every read the first two books in the series . .)
It made me sad to think I still haven't learned.
It made me sad to think I had not acted in the same spirit as you have led your campaign.
And I wanted to tell you that.
Oh, Obama. It is hard. It really is. But I know, intellectually, that love is the only answer to the madness. And so, today, I'm going to try better.
I truly am.
Just wanted you to know.
Bisous, bp
P.S. Thank you for ALL the comments yesterday-- they mean a great deal to me-- and that goes for you, too-- Whaler!! Thank you all.
got 2 cents?
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lizardek says:
I still say you'd be a good write-in candidate. It's not too late! :D
posted on: September 05
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Liana says:
They were called Dementors, just so you know!
And you're right- Obama has been so mature about this whole mess. The rest of us get mad FOR him...even though I'm sure he DOES get mad. Who wouldn't??
When you mentioned that he continually just wipes the mud off instead of returning the aggression, you honestly made me think of Christ and "turn the other cheek."
NOT because I am so deluded as to think that Obama is some sort of Messiah, but because certain OTHERS, esp. from a specific political party, claim they are Christians, yet do NOT act Christlike at all.
Thank you for the reminder that aggression and anger don't really help anyone, no matter how good they may feel in the moment.
(And truly, I felt your rant was pretty tame compared to what it could have been! But thank you for being humble and honest :)
posted on: September 05
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Cornball says:
Even though I agree with you that love is the only true answer to the madness, (I had that ah hah moment myself late yesterday), in order to get to that place of enlightenment one often has to first go through the anger and anguish that dishonesty and unkindness naturally provoke in the human spirit. So, no beating yourself up. You started a conversation that so many of us are needing to have, as evidenced by all the comments made yesterday. But, I stand with you today in that I'm going to try to hold love in my heart rather than dark-ness. Om shanti shanti
posted on: September 05
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Sierra says:
Hello! Long time reader, first time commenter here. Just wanted to say that I've had such a similar battle this week. I oscillate wildly between trying to rise above it and wanting to throw the same mud because fair is fair. After feeling deflated all day yesterday I went to the Obama office after work and signed up to be trained as a field organizer and spend some weekends in Nevada hitting the pavement (because I live in the not-exactly-battleground-state of California). I can't tell you what it did for my mood. I've decided that the coming weeks, every time they throw mud and laugh in the face of the things I believe in, I'm going to respond by making phone calls and knocking on doors, and all kinds of other dreaded "community organizing." You're right, if Obama can brush off being mocked and keep fighting, so can we.
posted on: September 05
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Jazz says:
They're demen... oh, Liana already said...
BP, I have to say, you are a way better person than I am. I've thought (and said) everything you went on about about Ms. P and much much worse. Yet unlike you I don't regret it, but at least unlike the members of a certain political party I don't have the gall to call myself a christian. Their hypocrisy drives me insane. But I will not rant on your blog.
posted on: September 05
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Cornball says:
Sierra...you ROCK!!!
posted on: September 05
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bp says:
love you guys and, Sierra? ditto cornball-- you ROCK--
posted on: September 05
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Amber says:
I've had so many swirling emotions surrounding this election year and it seems like everyone else is putting them into words so much more eloquently than I ever could. Your rant included. Sometimes I think frustration comes out sounding more like anger when really all we need is just a release. I don't and can't hold your rant against you!
posted on: September 05
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Heather says:
Darling bp - I did not think you were venomous yesterday, just that you expressed so eloquently how so many of us feel. Your responses to your lone detractor were even-keeled and I love you even more after today's post. See you in five days - Eeeekk! (And that was an Eeeek of joy!)
posted on: September 05
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bella says:
BP.. I found your *release* to be, yeah.. totally fueled by anger. BUT. Rightly so. And here is a great man, who not only inspires many with a vision of change, but.. has us looking within and wondering how we can contribute to making that change happen.
I heart him too. xox
posted on: September 05
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amy says:
me too, contacted obama's campaign to ask how to volunteer this morning. bp, your critical thinking is precise and exactly what we, americans, need to be engaging in-- sound, logic based debate. please don't throw the baby out with the bath water in your apology. your anger has big love in it. thank you.
posted on: September 05
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misty says:
i'm with lizardek, voting for you!
so love is the only answer, yes, i get that. but don't we all have those days when love gets buried deep under the crap that surrounds us and makes us feel anything but love. oh how i hate those days, and thank god they pass!
you are learning and as you do you are teaching, thanks for that!
YOU rock!
can't wait to see you so soon. xoxo
posted on: September 05
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Tracey says:
Right on, E! Amy and Sierra double thumbs up, doing your part, making a difference, inspiring others!!
posted on: September 05
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Elsie says:
I'm a long-time Canadian lurker who has decided to comment. I'd like to echo Heather's comment (aside from seeing you in five days, I suppose!).
And what happens in your election affects all of us around the world. Here's to Obama!
posted on: September 05
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bp says:
wow-- LOVING all the delurking going on-- it never fails to amaze me . .
posted on: September 05
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Nichole says:
Obama is wise enough not to be affected by things that are grossly untrue. At this point I think he's just sitting back and letting them all implode upon themselves. Sarah Palin's speech did nothing more than make us donate more $$ to Obama's campaign.
posted on: September 05
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Sam says:
You know this "nice" girl totally wanted to be in the mosh pit with you. Instead, I held your purse...
I love that today the Obama campaign unleashed its women...to step up and speak...just consider yourself one of those women. I really think it's okay that you got mad. This is an emotional thing for so many of us, because we love our country and we want to be proud of it. It's so hard - it feels like the whole Internet is exploding with opinions and fear (and always, plenty of SNARK).
I can't help but wonder what tangible sign of Obama love is going to emerge from Squam!
posted on: September 05
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Sheryl says:
I think you were pretty polite to Sarah, considering. I'm sure Barak would be proud of you. And possibly swoop you up in his arms and give you a hug. OK, I have to go sit down now, my knees are weak thinking about it.
posted on: September 06
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lizardek says:
*fans Sheryl*
posted on: September 06
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Laura Moon says:
Much love and tenderness to you!! How I treasure your words, the way you just lay it out there. Thank You!!
posted on: September 06
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leah says:
i didn't think your last post was venomous or hateful. i can completely understand. i loved sam's comment on this post about holding your purse. :-)
i came by to wish you all the best at squam. i will be there in spirit while i'm off on the west coast for a wedding (and then off on my honeymoon to hawaii!)
lots of love to you! xoxo
posted on: September 06
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