March 30, 2008 9:26 AM- momma, don't let your babies grow up to be homestead queens

UPDATED to add: there is a new site dedicated to quotes from blogs called Blogtations and, oddly enough-- one of my bits of flotsam has been caught and pasted to the wall there, so to speak. If you like quotes and blogs-- perhaps you will want to check it out.

And, I am getting up at 3 am tomorrow to begin the long trek out West to Artfest! My friend Mindy is going with me and I'm feeling like I always do before a trip-- tired, somewhat anxious, guilty about leaving T to manage on his own for 7 full days, and missing the dogs already . . in a word: absurd.

Hello? Maybe at some point in my life I'll actually simply revel in a vacation?! Anyway-- just wanted to let you know in case I am scarce from this blog for a while.


1. A once-lovely white jacquard, French terrycloth robe by Oscar de la Renta with silk cord detailing on the cuffs and long shawl collar.

Provenance: Saks 5th Avenue

Remarks: Note the wear and tear across the front panels where one too many armloads of firewood have left brown furrows. Other distinctive markings include three separate areas that have been singed by open flame. Multiple coffee stains reflect a dazed, carelessness that can only attributed to the cumulative effects of 150 inches of snow over a period of four months. Yellowing from failed attempts at bleaching it back to its once pure alabaster glory indicate both the absence of a decent dry cleaner and the pathetic optimism of its owner. Its very existence speaks to the blind, hopeless effort to try and sustain a civilized dress code and a blatant refusal to concede to the harsh demands of a rural life.

2. Two pairs of stylish over-the-knee socks, both intended to be worn on city streets with a flippy skirt and a great deal of attitude.

Provenance: Paris boutique

Remarks: As the owner had no opportunity to wear street shoes or flippy skirts, the socks languished in the back of a drawer for many a year before they were re-purposed as hiking socks. Turns out, their extra length was well-suited to being worn under leggings when Sorel boots would be covered by elastic bottom skateboarding pants. Their ability to hold tight and not slide down during long, daily treks up the side of the mountain as other socks were wont to do-- saved the fragile sanity of the owner. Of course, they do show some tiny teeth marks from dogs who would get so excited at the sight of them (knowing their appearance meant a big walk) as well as dog hair that defies removal.

3. A small make-up bag containing several new or barely used products.

Provenance: Fresh

Remarks: A peculiarly sad little assortment of beauty products-- all in a neutral palette which tells us it that was clearly bought with the intention of creating a "natural" look. And yet, the packaging has not even been removed from the foundation and the pale eye shadow looks as if it has barely been stroked. It can be surmised from this as well as the unused blow dryer (note: this piece is now housed in a private collection) that the owner either had no cause to make an effort to look presentable or, more dire indeed, had given up all hope of ever looking remotely put-together again.

Please proceed now, at your own risk*, to the next room where you will find the footwear and outerwear on display. (For your convenience, Kleenex has been provided in boxes to the right of each display).


*Girls under the age of 16 must be accompanied by an adult.

got 2 cents?

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catherine says:
*giggling* uncontrollably...I know this collection well, I owned the Vermont version for 2 years. Luckily I was able to find a buyer through craigslist..
posted on: March 30

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immersion says:
Absolutly loved this! Can I add my barrette to the collection as a used piece meant to keep the viewers eyes clear of floppy four inch long bangs? It does have history that might be of interest.
posted on: March 30

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lizardek says:
Oh my dear, you are hilarious!
posted on: March 30

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Tami says:
I am sure the Paris boutique would love to hear how well their over-the-knee socks have worked in your life of a snow goddess! This whole post cracks me up!
posted on: March 30

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christina says:
Thank you for making me smile. Which you did, in abundance. I have so many sad, sad little items I could add to the collection. :)
posted on: March 30

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Jazz says:
I have one of those collections as well. Probably much more frightening than that of the homesteading queen.
posted on: March 31

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teahouseblossom says:
Hope you don't mind that I just stopped by to stare out your window at the lovely snow for a few more moments..
posted on: March 31

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steph says:
Hilarity! I have several gifts I'd like to donate to your museum. And then there's that assortment of shoes, each with its own original purpose, that were all prematurely christened to be work shoes in my garden. Hey, no worries about the Moly project--did I already email about that? I totally understand and we'll swap art another time :) xo *s
posted on: March 31

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lynne says:
This was extremely funny although I know you are probably more serious than we think. This sounds exactly like my collection of things at our mountain cabin back in CO. Even here I end up with soot marks on nearly everything after loading up our wood stove. One day in the not-too-distant-future I hope to live the homestead life. I'm looking forward to it actually! But only for a few years ...
posted on: March 31

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Heather says:
You make me smile! (Have you found the phone yet?)
posted on: March 31

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Stephanie says:
White Acres is the place to be! (or I guess, Soliden!) From one Homestead Queen to another- my heart goes out to you. And remember, after the white comes the BROWN... get those Wellies out! I purchased a Burberry print pair, to be chic amidst the mud and mole holes.
posted on: March 31

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hele says:
The missing the dogs already feeling is the reason we have not been on vacation for two years. I keep on planning one though and maybe this year I won't find a good reason to cancel. How glad I was to be old enough to stand in awe of this awesome collection showing how women could all one day live.
posted on: March 31

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bad penguin says:
I always approach vacations with a ridiculous level of anxiety. Why is that? it would be nice to just relax and know that I'll have a nice time. And I do hope you have a wonderful time!
posted on: March 31

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susan says:
hmmm sounds like i live in that museum... heh. goodness girl, it's been a long strange winter. glad we are poking out of the other side? me too. have fun - there's no snow there!
posted on: April 01

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Amber says:
I tried to offer a hair dryer fired from frozen pipes to add to your private collection but your comment bot denied me. Perhaps it was like getting your portfolio politely rejected. "I'm sorry we're not accepting anything new, but let me keep your card for the future." ;)
posted on: April 01

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bp says:
oh Amber-- I am so sorry-- our spammers got so bad we had to disallow any html or sites in the comments--- sounds like a cool piece you found!!
posted on: April 01

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