December 06, 2005 11:18 AM- Archie in Gotham

Archie Belemus, Dublin?s unwashed gift to manhood, has not been in Gotham since he was flushed out during Guiliani?s campaign to ?Clean Up New York City.? However, with the recent release of Rent, he thought he?d test the waters to see if boho hobos really were a cause celebre.

It?s no wonder the rotter was feeling bullish---it?s fair to say his recent sojourn in rehab has paid off; he?s never looked finer. In fact, as you can see from the photo above, even Paris Hilton couldn?t resist humping him.

But it looks like he?s trying to step it up a notch as he saunters through Boreum Hill and into The Brooklyn Inn where he meets Molly, that West-Coast-meets-East-Coast minx, and author of Les Cadeaux.

As Archie stumbles up to the bar, his unsuspecting prey is searching in her bag for a lipstick.

Archie: Runs his leering gaze up and down her lusciousness. A strappy tunic top and cowboy boots? Thank you, Santa!

Molly: I?m sorry, are you talking to me?

Archie:: You just dropped a potato chip. Here, he picks the chip off the floor and offers it to her.

Molly: Fool! Can you not see that I am a lady?!

Archie: Shrugs. Eats chip. Hey aren?t you that lovely lady with the blog about Boob Cake?

Molly: I may have mentioned Boob Cake on my blog, on very, very special occasions, but my blog is not about Boob Cake.

Archie: I have seen the Boob Cake. I want the Boob Cake. Why are bakeries not making the Boob Cake? But my real question is--- what is the protocol for eating Boob Cake? Can we shove our faces into it?

Molly: I encouraged my husband to rub his face in it a la the ?motorboat,? but he didn?t quite go there.

Archie: What in god's name possessed you to get married?

Molly: Well, at the time my husband proposed, I just couldn't have imagined saying no, because HELLO THAT IS AWKWARD, but also because it seemed like the next and right step for us. Now that we've been married a few years, I kind of wish we could get married again because I think I am starting to understand this whole "marriage" thing, finally. It's nice to be part of a team. And to never, ever, EVER have to suffer through that awful feeling when you are first dating someone and you walk into the restaurant where you agreed to meet him and you kind of want to vomit because it is so AWFUL to be looking for him and wondering, If he's there first, will he see me or will I see him and will he wave and if he waves, will it be lame, and if he doesn't wave, what will he do and what will he be wearing and OH GOD what if it's that hideous blue polo shirt and if I get there first do I get a drink at the bar and pretend to be absorbed in my cocktail instead of watching the door, or do I watch the door and wait for him and when I see him what should I do and is it too late to JUST GO HOME AND WATCH MY BUFFY DVDS???

I guess I got married because it just seemed right, but being married is totally different that getting married. Getting married is a break from real life; being married is like drowning in real life. But in a good way, I promise. My husband is my best friend and he is the only person I've met who has made me willing to stake my future on him.

Plus, he is fine with my affinity for sitting on my couch wearing stretchy pants.

Archie: Oh let?s not talk about sex. Tell me what that smell is? You are delicious. Is it cinnamon toast perfume? Cause I want to butter you all up.

Molly: Pushes Archie away. Please. Don?t drool on me. Cinnamon toast would be a cool perfume but this is Yuzu Rouge by 06130.

Archie: Not quite the run of the mill, are you now, lassie? See? We're not so different you and I although you have all your teeth and they are quite clean-- good for you-- and you obviously don't have the dandruff issues I'm plagued with which is probably just nature's way of trying to balance out the fact that I've so well endowed.

Molly: Rolls eyes.

Archie: You?re a funny woman. Often times hilarious. How did you choose the name "les cadeaux?" And, how did you decide to start a blog? Do you remember the first blog you ever read?

Molly: Let?s see it all began when I started searching for reviews of ?sex and the city," That led me to Television Without Pity. From there I discovered Hashai and Hate Your Daddy and Tomato Nation and thought, HOLY CRAP I CAN READ ALL ABOUT PEOPLE'S PERSONAL LIFE THIS IS FANTASTIC!! Then I started to get jealous that they were having all the fun, so I decided to start my own site in September of 2003 (I think). But unfortunately for me, I had no cyber skills and knew not a thing about HTML and didn't have anyone to link to and basically had no idea what I was doing. So I signed up for a Diaryland account and figured "quaint" would be my thing. I'm not sure how I picked Les Cadeaux as a name; I know the name 'Cadeau' popped into my head, but was taken, so I just pluralized and it seemed like a nice name so it stuck.

I started my site with a clear idea of what I didn?t like in other blogs -- the "internet superhero" attitude, in which bloggers constantly need to reaffirm JUST HOW GREAT they are; the "my sweetie is the Hotness" pattern, in which bloggers paint their romantic relationships in artificially rosy glow; and the schtick sites, in which bloggers force their persona down your throat. I really wanted to be natural, and also to write in a real way about a real marriage. I kind of wanted to debunk the idea that romance, love, friendship, anger and conflict couldn't all co-exist in a healthy, normal relationship.

Archie: Hell, for my parents anger and conflict defined the relationship--that and malt liquor-- but it?s true, you don?t see a lot of blogs where the dishes fly.

Molly: Yeah, I have thought about creating a blog that is all spoof, something like puppiesandrainbows.com, on which my friends and I could post about the fantastic things our spouses do, how a butterfly landed on our window and made us appreciate life, and what miracles from heaven babies are, etc.

Archie: Oh baby-- pussies and rainbows!

Molly: Puppies. PUPPIES and rainbows.

Archie: My bad. Who do you read these days?

Molly: Oooh, I am a fan of satire sites. I love Maddox and Zahara's blogs.

As for who and what I read, I am a big fan of urban blogs like Gothamist, SFist, londonist, etc. And Gawker, of course. I think Wonketteis fabulous. I am a whore for celeb gossip so I read Defamer and try to stay up with what Perez Hilton is blogging about. I find myself gravitating much more towards the themed blogs over actual slice-of-life sites.

Archie: Would you make out with Wonkette?

Molly: Perhaps. I wouldn't mind making out with her and/or sharing her wardrobe.

Archie: Yeah? Could I watch?

Molly: Please keep your distance?your spittle just landed in my shiraz.

Archie: My bad.

Molly: I have lots of girl crushes, not all cyber ones. I have always wanted: 1) to be petite, 2) freckles, 3) glasses, 4) bangs, so chances are if you've got three out of those four going on, I am crushing on you. Bonus points for cursing a lot and knowing who Nicolas Ghesqui?re is.

Archie: Polo player?

Molly: No, although I like where you are going with that line of thought. Argentinean polo players mmmmm...

Archie: But you live in New York City?you must see celebs everyday.

Molly: Actually, yesterday I saw Renee Zellweger as I was leaving the dentist, looking adorable and not at all squinty!

Archie: I said celebs, not over-hyped dregs.

Molly: Oh you?re nasty. It?s true. I do see celebs fairly often. Benjamin Bratt made my tummy feel funny, he is so pretty. And Julianne Moore is absolutely flawless. For some reason though, one of my favorite sightings is Michael Stipe. I have seen him a few times, but my all time favorite spotting was him with Mario Batali - apparently they are great friends, and the two of them together just made me smile.

Archie: You. Are. Dazzling.

Molly: And late. Must fly?kiss kiss---.

Previous Archie sightings. . .

with Coquette

with Amalah

got 2 cents?

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bella says:
Fun, fun, fun. I've been reading Archie archives all morning.
posted on: December 06

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liz says:
Your brain is so twisted, Sybil. :)
posted on: December 06

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saltwaterprincess says:
So creative! You are one funny poppy!
posted on: December 06

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christina says:
Giggle. snort. chuckle.
posted on: December 06

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ozma says:
...spittle in the shiraz...that was my highlight.
posted on: December 07

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La Dauphine says:
I love Les Cadeaux! :)
posted on: December 07

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Jecca says:
Damn -- I shouldn't have worn my contacts that day. Who knew it was all about the glasses? But that's Archie: Revealing, insightful, and incisive reporting that lays the subject bare . . . wait a second . . . don't like where that's going . . .
posted on: December 07

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