Somebody help me. Throw me a rope. Hand me a winning lottery ticket. Assign me a fairy godmother. I am desperate and barefoot in the swampland of procrastination. And, my ever present sidekick (because no one chases windmills without a trusted companion) is a smug, I-told-you-so-hag who loves to say things like, "you are such a loser why do you even bother?"

The worst thing about procrastination is knowing that if I only DID the fucking, stupid thing I was avoiding I would be free of this snare. But no, rather than do this thing, I attempt to chew my arm off. Brilliant.

Thursday the 15th. And it's not just that it's April 15th (thank god I can pay the guy who does my taxes in blow jobs) as my taxes are done. I have to deliver the last bit of the manuscript and I have had 3 weekends to get it done and each weekend I DON'T DO IT.

What the fuck is wrong with me? Now I have it sitting here at my desk at work as if I'm going it get it done here when I couldn't do it in the sanctity and quiet of my home studio. There goes the hag again, same cackle same chant.

There's something deeper here. I can't seem to get anything done right now. Even if I had 4 weeks of vacation (and I don't) and I took them all at once (which I'd never be allowed to do) I do not believe I would be rejeuvenated. I think it would bring me back to about 65% capacity. Right now, I'm at 0 and every time I fill up it gets me back to a whopping 10%.

I want the European vacation package plan. 6 weeks vacation plus all those religious holidays each month. I don't care if they take 60% in taxes-- I'm taxed on every breathing thing anyway-- there's a fucking middle man with his hand out any time money comes across my palm. So, if I'm paying anyway, why not get a better lifestyle?

Oh jesus-- now I'm just whining. There's nothing wrong with my lifestyle. I'm spoiled rotten. My problem is procrastination. Nothing more. And I own it. Bring on the hag-- let her beat me around the head til I shut the fuck up.

got 2 cents?