The woman with whom I would have babies if only she a) wasn't already married, b) was a lesbian, c) wasn't a resident of Canada and therefore not close enough by for us to raise our babies together has tagged me on a meme about my idiosyncracies.

Are you kidding? This is a rock you so don't want to turn over. Truly-- step away-- god only knows what prehistoric water bugs with wings and whatnot are going to exodus en masse from that dank and moldy place.

First , I would simply point out that there should be a heavy emphasis on the IDIOT of idioscyncracy when the word is used in reference to yours truly. I am not a thinker. If I were a thinker I would surely not do the idiotic things I do. Exhibit A: Bring a 4' x 5' poster down for the book event last night and fail to bring any string to run through the grommets so that you might be able to hang the poster as a backdrop instead of leaving it in a roll behind the register. Idiot.

Now, I can feel the comments coming already as the etymologists among you will crawl up my back to say that idiot is only a cousin of idiosyncracy and not a part of the word or some such thing ---- but let me just say butchering the English language and making sh*t up is what I do. An academic I am not.

Okay-- Wee has requested 5 idiosyncracies and I must say I was struck by how open and honest she was in the sharing of her quirks and foibles (if rather repulsed--- ABC gum?? All around the house?!! Yeah. I'm so not having babies with you).

1. I cannot sleep if the sheets at the foot of the bed are tucked in. CANNOT. WILL NOT. Must kick out or rip out the hospital corners. Feet must be free and uncovered for sleep. Alas, poor T who adores the "tight tuck" (ooh, that sounds kind of kinky) and a properly made bed. This is a non-negotiable. And bizarre. What could have happened in a previous life that makes me so resistant to foot restriction? Was I a geisha with bound feet?

2. If you tell me something very serious or tragic or terrible, I will smile (sometimes force back a laugh). I hate this about myself. It is the weirdest damn thing. I have tried so hard over the years to correct it. My feelings are always genuinely concerned or sympathetic but my face? A total traitor.

3. My confidence is utterly erratic. At work, or in places where I don't give a fig-- I have total confidence and behave as such. Anything to do in the sphere of the arts, writing, creativity-- I shake like yellow jello.

4. If I'm not smiling, people often tell me I look "intense." But the truth is, if you were ever a fly on the wall with T and me we're a pair of 5 year-olds. Truly. We run around and talk and behave like 5 year-olds. And I'm not ashamed to tell you that--- cause I think uptight intense people suck and I hate that I'm that way at work.

5. I love scrambled eggs but cannot tolerate omelettes. I love history, but can't remember dates. Learning French was like falling off a log, but the worse grades I ever got in my life were in the two years I studied Latin (and French is what, 80% Latin?!!@#?)

And people? This is only the tip of the iceberg. I have spared you.

Now I pass this meme on to: Chris, Heather, Milly and Erica

got 2 cents?