It?s an odd thing?if you were to read through my journals from those oh-so-scintillating teenage years (that is, if your eyeballs didn?t leap from their sockets in order to escape the boredom because OH MY GOD who cares what color your lucky underwear is and no, passing out in the neighbor?s bushes is not the funniest thing ever) it would be one entry after the next of unrelenting suffering.

That?s not because my feet had been nailed to my bedroom floor, no?it?s because I only wrote when I was agitated and upset. There is no record of my happy, dreamy days?you kind of have to read between the lines, or rather, between the gaps to understand that yes, I experienced pleasure as an adolescent.

Today, the inverse is true.

The past few months/years (whatever) have been extremely challenging for me on an emotional level with regard to my job. (Yes, Lizardek, I heard that THWACK-- that reverse spin of your eyeballs as you read that??WTF?!? she says. ?Didn?t I tell you to ditch that place months and months ago??)

Yes, you did. And no, I didn?t.

Have you seen where I live? The options are, how shall we say, singular, unless of course I want to commute two hours a day or simply move to Boston which, though appealing on many levels, kind of defeats the purpose of building a house in the country.

So anyway, where was I?

Oh. How I don?t put the struggle here and since there?s never anything really good to share it remains all quiet on the working front. That is, until yesterday.

Yesterday was a stellar work day. For the Survivor aficionados among you, I won the individual immunity challenge and can stay on the island for another three days. Woot.

It felt great if unnerving. The unnerving part is, wait. Didn?t I want to get kicked off? Do I really want to stay on this island? I thought not, but it seems to be where I?m supposed to be right now, so I?m flowing with it.

Still, last night my mind was a bit a?whirling and a?turning and I realized that all those platitudes that people post up everywhere? They?re actually true. But, I don?t know that you can know their truth unless you learn it the hard way.

Or, maybe I?m so far back on the evolutionary scale that I can?t see that most people are born knowing these platitudes.

You see, I?ve had a dream of growing my soul while working in a corporation. I know, oxymoronic, non?

And, as much as I wish I could have learned all these lessons while painting landscapes in Tuscany or writing my Broadway smash from a darling apartment overlooking St. Sulpice, I?m happy to have learned them at all.

So with no further ado.

What I Was Never Taught In Kindergarten, Or If I Was, I Forgot, But Then Learned On Corporate Island

1. Be kind to everyone, especially the people who are hostile and unkind to you. Notice I didn?t say nice. I?m often not nice. Nice is bullshit. Kind is based in respect and honesty. In my dictionary: kind = genuine; nice = fake.

2. Find a way to be loving to someone who is actively hating you. Don?t pretend. You have to truly be loving in your mind even when they are trying to push you under a bus. Take comfort in the fact that their actions drive their karma (will they end up under a bus someday? Perhaps, or an 18-wheeler, either way, has nothing to do with you). Take comfort in the fact the more loving you are to them the further away you will drive them from you?they WANT you to hate them back. They can?t handle the love.

3. 98% of the time you want to stay under the radar. Don?t push for the spotlight. Stay low, undercover. Snipers will pick you off like a slow-moving duck in the spotlight. However, there are times when you must make a move. When you do make a move, make it BIG and be done with it fast. Then, back to under the radar. It?s a mistake to think you can always be under the radar without ever taking risk.

4. Sometimes the only activity going on is hanging on. Or, to put a Faulkner spin on it, be Dilsey.

5. When you think you just can?t take another day remember that thing someone said (but I don?t know who or when or where) it?s always darkest before the dawn and then hang on some more. Things do change. Eventually.

6. You can think the problem is the people or the place or the task and that your life would be so much better with other people in another place doing something else, but if you can?t find peace here and now, how can you be sure you can find it somewhere else?

7. Never eat "food" people leave out for anyone to take in the coffee room. Never as in never ever.

Speaking of food, my stomach is growling furiously and I have a meeting in 8 minutes so must fly.

FYI, T and I are headed to the coast of Maine for a long weekend tomorrow. Don?t know what kind of postings will be going on?maybe loads? Maybe none?

Back in the saddle on Tuesday. Asta, my pretties.

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