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May 03, 2006 8:07 AM- a sparkling intellect
There are a number of reasons, nay a veritable multitude of reasons why you should not be reading this blog.
And yet, you read.
Two distinguishing features about the state in which I live are a) no sales tax and b) the highest number of people who customize their license plates. Coincidence? Is it possible that people feel flush with all that cash the government didn?t pluck from their nacho cheese covered fingers and decide to give the money back anyway in exchange for powerful personal statements?
Statements like ILUVHER and CUNHELL.
Last night as I drove home from work, the plate of a navy blue SUV caught my eye. You might assume this was due to my highly developed eye for detail?but in the interest of full disclosure, I should tell you that the SUV was directly in front of me for several miles. And we stopped, twice, for a red light.
Truth is, I notice nothing when I am driving. My own mother could drive right by me in the car from my childhood (I would tell you its make and model but I can?t recall) and I wouldn?t see her.
However, for some reason, my eyes rested on the license plate ahead of me.
TEAMUSA
And I wondered, why tiramisu?
Is he Italian? Loves dessert? Really, really loves dessert? And wait, idiot?he doesn?t even know how to spell it! Well wait, sometimes due to space constraints license plates have to drop letters or put in letters like ?u? for ?you.? Is that what he did?
No?he?s just an idiot. Tea. Wait. Tea? So maybe he?s not saying tiramisu. Tea Musa?
No. He?s trying to say tiramisu. But why? And why start it off with tea? Or wait, Tea Am You? No?
Oh there he goes?turning left?what?s that on the side of his car? Team U.SA.
Oh.
Who are these people who read this blog? Have they NO idea what they?re dealing with?
got 2 cents?
• • • •
nichole says:
hehe..that reminds me of a roadtrip my father and i took when I was a child. we spent miles behind a travel trailer. it was a "nomad" and around the "nomad" logo the owners had hand painted
US NOMAD US HAPPY
my dad and I kept saying that over and over and over until we couldn't talk straight. then i finally figured out they were trying to say they weren't mad, they were happy. but realllllly bad at grammar apparently.
oops. sorry. this is YOUR blog ...
posted on: May 03
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Amber says:
hee! I love that you always show us your foibles. For those of us who hold you in such high esteem it only makes us love you more. Happy Wednesday BP and everybody else :)
posted on: May 03
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wee says:
I am wretched with the custom license plates. I never ever ever get 'em unless it's like blatantly obvious...like MOMCAR or something. Even then. So in truth, I'd be far less likely to be here if you were one of those mad cyphers* who can puzzle 'em out in seconds! (* cypher... hmmm. can that even be used as a noun?! O... the rules I bend and twist and smash to smithereens.) xoxoxo just cuz.
posted on: May 03
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Croila says:
Wow! No sales tax?? I didn't think there was ANYWHERE in your country that was normal like that! ;-)
posted on: May 03
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lizardek says:
Your brain is so convoluted, it cracks me up. My favorite personalized plate on the face of the earth EVAH: PMS365
posted on: May 03
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Chris says:
hahahahahaha! I needed that laugh. Thank you for sharing your zany kind of brilliance with your devoted readers.
posted on: May 03
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wordybird says:
one of my faves is : OMG WTF
with apologies to lizardek, EVERY time i see her name in your comments, i read it as 'lizard ek.' could be because i really like lizards (seriously!).
posted on: May 03
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pomme says:
Ha ha! So funny and boy I've been there, just can't recall specifics now. By the way, my dad who spents an hour and half commuting back/from work LOVED to detect and comment on vanity plates, which was an obvious cry for help so got him hooked on audio-books instead.
posted on: May 03
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Heather says:
Love it! I for one have a personalized plate on a blue car. It says ROJO. If people don't say it "ROW JO" first, and they have any idea there's a language out there besides English, then they're curious because the car is blue, not red. Let's just say I do crew. Thus I'm a rowing ho. I love the fact I can even get it by the State.
posted on: May 03
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lizardek says:
Har! Wordybird, it IS Lizard Ek! :D
posted on: May 03
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lottie says:
Hee! Tiramisu would have made perfect sense to me. Sometimes I'm amazed at my ability to misread/hear things... Take a favourite childhood book Stig of the Dump, for instance. For years (and I mean years) I thought it was called Sting of the dump... and in La Isla Bonita, where Madonna sings 'young girl with eyes like the desert'... yep, I thought it was 'young girl with eyes like potatoes'. Such a romantic line, that...
posted on: May 03
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Bridget says:
You are awesome!
posted on: May 03
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jes says:
too freakin' funny you are...THAT'S why I read your blog silly! It always drives me crazy when I can't figure them out!
posted on: May 03
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Lil says:
Don't worry your shining intellect - I'm useless at plates too. Oh, and we have EVERY idea of what we're dealing with; makes us feel good that we're not alone.
posted on: May 03
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wee says:
too prove how completely inept I am with the plates, I just now got CUNHELL. hand over my heart, swear to God. Just now. Some five hours after I read it here. If you want the truth, I... um thought it was an extremely rude curse... CUN (fill in the blank with the letter that comes after S) Hell. And I was thinking, "hmmmphhh. A little liberal with the license plates down there (no pun intended) aren't they? Why that's downright offensive! Those rude Americans!"*** To those who would take offense, I AM American. An American in Canada.
posted on: May 03
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la vie en rose says:
you crack me up. but just so you'll feel better about yourself it took me awhile when i first read it too.
posted on: May 03
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samantha says:
It can take me forever, too. Beaux and I can have entire discussions while on the road with the really obtuse ones - the CUNHELL would be a little edgy for the Southern folk. I have a feeling the old ladies at the driver's license place would refuse to fill that order on principle. I did see a funny one not long ago - MMKBYE.
posted on: May 03
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ozma says:
But wouldn't Tiramisu be a great absurdist license plate? You put the most mundane detail about yourself on there as a badge of your individuality. LICRCE. When people ask you why you just say 'Cause I love licorice!' Or how about RGTHND for 'right handed.'
posted on: May 03
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endment says:
I suppose that means we should interpred your blog as "Bell you poppy?" :=)
posted on: May 03
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Meghan says:
I think Virginia rivals you guys for personalized license plates. Everyone has 'em down there.
And, um, I don't get "cunhell." I hate when I don't get stuff... story of my life. :)
posted on: May 03
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violetismycolor says:
I, too, live in a state with no sales tax (bookends, we are...). Out here in Oregon, though we can't fund our schools, our roads are full of potholes, and there are tons of poor children with no health care...folks hold onto the no-sales-tax mantra for dear life. It's sad.
I love personalized plates but apparently have no imagination, since I've never been clever enough to come up with one clever enough to put on my car.
posted on: May 03
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Jessie (Blue Dog) says:
With an opening line like "There are a number of reasons, nay a veritable multitude of reasons why you should not be reading this blog."... how could I not read on?!
haha!
No really though... I love your blog. Geez!
:)
posted on: May 04
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liz elayne says:
oh how i love to laugh when i come here. you sense of humor...the way you look at the world...you couldn't stop me from stopping by my friend...could. not. stop. me.
posted on: May 04
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Laini says:
So funny! Don't sweat it -- you get so used to personalized plates being mystifying, you don't expect to understand them! Wonder if that person was an Olympian or something? Funny distinctions for your state, too. A couple of our claims to fame are no sales tax and lowest rate of churchgoing in the nation! For a while after Sept 11 we were #1 in hunger and unemployment too. Whoo-hoo, us!
posted on: May 04
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bp says:
Meghan, darling, SEE YOU IN HELL
posted on: May 04
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Joy says:
Dead giveaway: Does anyone (particularly someone driving an SUV) in NH know what tiramisu is? I mean, can you get it at Walmart?
posted on: May 04
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Meghan says:
BP, Not if I see you first.
Now that's a clever license plate!
posted on: May 04
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wordybird says:
i feel SO much better now, lizardek! ;-o
have you ever seen the book "CDB!" by william steig? it's supposedly a children's book, but i love it.
posted on: May 04
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etta says:
LOL
This is *exactly* why I read this blog! You're a kindred spirit, BP!
posted on: May 04
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christina says:
Meghan if it makes you feel any better I thought "cun-hell" ??? HUH?? and then I got it. I'm slow on the uptake with stuff like this too. And BP you had me wailing hysterically. This reminded me so much of my mom one time when I was a teenager. We were behind this VW with a ton of surfboards on top and on the back was one of those bumperstickers with the umlauts over the u's so it read FUKIN GRUVEN --as though it were German. And my mom, being OH SO EARNEST and SINCERE started saying "fuken gruven" out loud slowly (she speaks some german) trying to figure out what it meant. I nearly died. I was 16 at the time and it gave me enough glee to survive that otherwise entirely miserable year. :)
posted on: May 04
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victoria winters says:
hee hee. You're slow. ;)
But in all honesty, I don't get the cunhell one. I'm slow too!
posted on: May 04
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victoria winters says:
Oh, wait! I get it! See You In Hell! DUH!
posted on: May 04
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nina says:
'lizbuth, dahlin, we read you because you are you. why else? why ask why?
i, too, did not get cunhell. i saw it as the cun_ and was flabberghasted as to why on earth someone would want to drive around with that message on their rear end. tiramisu, that's another matter. now, when i was a young thing, on a road trip with my family, we drove past a factory, and i saw a sign on the chain link fence that i could have SWORN said "stupidity room". no one believed me, and we promised to take note of it the next time we passed by. of course, next time the sign was gone. what could it have possibly said?!
we love you, dear one. xo
posted on: May 04
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lizardek says:
No, I haven't but I will go look it up right now. :) I love children's books!
posted on: May 04
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Vaguely Urban says:
So weird - I just the other day asked my husband if other cities/states do personalized license plates to the extent that they do in L.A, which prompted a whole discussion about how 99% of them express the most ridiculous sentiments. Especially the ones that refer to the owner's occupation. GAH!
Sorry to hear that you encounter an even higher percentage of cunhells.
posted on: May 04
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TB says:
Ugh. The personalized plates. The ones that really drive me nuts are the captain obvious, zero originality ones like RDTRCK on... a red truck, or MYSTRN on a freaking Saturn. What IS that?
posted on: May 04
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Melba says:
I have wondered that too...why I read some blogs and not others. There are SO MANY blogs. It is difficult to choose. and there is a limited amount of time. and you have to have balance and not be on the computer ALL DAY. So I guess we read to contemplate these thoughts together.
posted on: May 04
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jes says:
lovin' the springy banner!
posted on: May 04
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bp says:
oh my god Chrisina-- MY NEW TAG LINE!!!! I knew it would arrive: FUKENGRUVEN with umlauts!!! Woot.
posted on: May 04
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Ruby'smum says:
Hee hee..I love it. That is so what I would do. I am the least observant person in this country. My husband once painted the entire back fence - it took me two days to realise. He then inflated the rubber tender to our boat and put it in the spare room (door half open) which I walked past for three and half days before I noticed. Then, re-painted my office. MY OFFICE !! One and a half days before I twigged. I love it. I never look for the obvious. Great Stuff BP.
posted on: May 04
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nina (janeen) says:
We read because we love.
And wordybird, I remember CEB and now my son has discovered it!
My favorite? I FN NE NRG.
My favorite, though is I
posted on: May 04
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Erica says:
My friend once saw a vanity handicapped plate that read "Blind."
The good stuff never happens to me. Le Sigh.
posted on: May 05
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melanie komisarski says:
ha! you crack me up, and so do some of the personalized plates out there. i bet the people working the license plate center get such a kick out of some of them.
posted on: May 05
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Rebekah says:
And this is why I love ya!!!
posted on: May 05
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Sorry, comments are now closed.
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