And they say old married folks have no secrets from each other?

This morning I had a most unexpectedly revealing conversation with a certain person (who shall go unnamed). A person that I thought I knew extremely well. A person who has only to idly think about how much he?d like some Shake n Bake pork chops for dinner and lo, they do magically appear when I come in from work having stopped at the grocery store to procure said person?s beloved comfort food.

?How did you know I was JUST thinking that??

?Because, darling, the Vulcan mind meld allows me direct access to all of your thoughts and feelings.?

Or so I thought. Perhaps my Vulcan mind meld is due for an upgrade?I?m probably running version 3.2 or something, and I?m sure the latest release is closer to 8.1. Time to upgrade.

Because a certain someone has surprised the living f*ck out of me this morning (and yes, we actually put that in our vows, or at least, I did?surprise! Way to freak you out in front of all your friends and family?he wasn?t prepared for it when I said, ?I promise to always surprise you.? And now he?s spinning it back on me?!) when he so casually remarked upon my self-portrait photos.

Self-portrait photos that I had been working on this weekend while he was away in preparation for a kind of Andy Warhol-esque triptych for his Christmas present!

Oh well--- dumb me for not hiding them better?but then, THEN, he says (not knowing their true purpose***), ?do NOT put those at your website. They are way too hot. Those are serious model territory. You?ll have some wacko-s hunting you down.?

Whaaaaaaaah? Er, excuse me?

As the conversation ensued, I learned that this unidentified person reads my blog every damn day. And, he checks out EVERY person who comments to make sure they are not wacko-s. And in the course of this disclosure, he got me all wound up and freaked out that if someone wanted to come and find me and kill me I had basically provided them digital breadcrumbs right up to my door.

I began to get very upset (remember, this is early morning and I?ve barely begun my first cup of coffee), and this anonymous human being attempts to comfort me by saying, ?don?t worry, if any wack-o does show up here I'll f*cking kill him.?

Would that comfort you? Yeah, me neither.

And it was at that very moment of my extreme distress that our hero left the house (the very well protected fortress!!--- for any of you wack-os out there who might think to come by while the hero is out) to go buy wood glue. My bright cheery morning now filled with dread and alarm.

I had the craziest flashback. Talk about total recall. I?m standing in the kitchen of the house where I lived from the ages of 5 to 18. My mother is tying the strings of my hood around my face. She tells me about the men who drive cars and will try to get me to climb in with them by offering me candy and how I am to run to the nearest house if that happens. She tells me to avoid any strangers who might try and talk to me because they might want to kidnap me (images of the CHILDKNAPPER from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang overtake me! I feel my eyes expanding, stretching wider and wider as she prepares me to exit the house). Then she says, okay, go on out and play and I burst into tears. I am terrified and no longer want to go outside.

Which is kind of how I feel now about blogging. I?m having a total panic attack. There may never again be any photos of Soliden, or anything else around me. I may open another site, totally anonymously. Or I may just stop blogging altogether.

Hey! And a top of the morning to you!

***Now that he's seen them, I guess I'll just have to give my special handmade wallhanging to my wack-o boyfriend.

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