As I recently proclaimed, there has been an end to the ego-driven, rage-fueled, petty-minded rants against the tribulations of life. I am so over that. Ghandi?s nothing but an obsessive-compulsive nomad compared to me. I?m fucking Amphitrite calming seas and making the winds hush.

Witness the following:

Last night I returned to my pied-a-terre where I made a simple supper of edamame and samosas. Simple. Because the frozen samosas merely needed to be reheated in the oven while I boiled water to cook the soybeans.

However, as submarine galleys are cavernous compared to this kitchenette, I managed to burn my hand on the broiler when I tried to flip the samosas. This was before the water for the soybeans boiled over (since I was too busy running cold water on my hand to pay attention) which caused the smoke alarm to go off. Which is when T arrived with the two wet and muddy dogs.

Which set the other dogs (those that belong to the owners of the house) to wild barking at the sound of intruders.

And I? A vision of serenity.

Smoke detector? Gone. (Ripped from the ceiling and shoved in a drawer).

Our dogs? Not a peep. Lying like good angels on their dog beds.

But the barking continued. Is there a sound more irritating than a stupid dog stupidly barking endlessly? Yes, there is. But I cleared my thoughts and focused on the great stillness that is in all of us.

Ohm.

Christ! Can?t they shut that fucking dog up? You see--- that?s the kind of thought I might have had were I not an empty vessel filled with light.

Eventually, the dog calmed down. We hit the lights and climbed into bed ready for sweet silence. Then, a grinding, loud motor began in the wall behind our heads. Which set our lovely dogs to barking wildly to try and protect us from the alien invasion.

What the FUCK? That?s the kind of statement an unenlightened person might have said in this circumstance. But not I.

It was merely the electronic garage door being opened. See? To everything a season. And this was the time for the people to come home and return their vehicle to its proper resting place.

Sadly, when our dogs began barking they also ran to the door so T jumped out of bed to grab them and get them back onto their beds. In the dark he pushed the white wicker chair out of the way and screamed in pain before whacking his ankle on the faux wrought iron coffee table.

I flicked the light on and we looked at the two fingers of his left hand that had streaks of fresh blood.

@@#&#&*($($(*)(#*$@@###!! (I believe that?s what T said. But then, he has not expressed an interest in achieving the enlightenment of inner peace).

We examined the innocuous looking chair and found two nasty looking nails sticking straight out from under the arm of the chair. I had no ointment or band-aids to administer as all I had brought here was work clothes and toiletries. I told T to wake me if it started to swell and throb in the middle of the night and it looked like we needed to take him to the emergency room. He assured me he would.

And so, again, we hit the lights and settled our bodies onto the full sized mattress with the crappy pillows and frou-frou bedding that might make a judgemental person gag.

As we lay there, the quiet was broken with the loud ticking of the ever-so-cute faux cuckoo clock that we hadn?t noticed until just then.

You see? When you are a person filled with peace, you can focus your intention and your awareness of all the small things in life grows.

Remember how earlier I asked if there could be a sound more annoying than a dog?s insistent barking? The universe is vast and limitless and so is the number of annoying sounds. It?s all so beautiful.

As if our life wasn?t already pure cake, we decided to add the frosting and help one another fall asleep in that wonderful way that Adam and Eve first discovered.

And then, just as Eve was all about Adam-- the fucking bed detached and I held in my hands the fucking piece of shit headboard that slammed into the wall a few times before Adam and Eve could register what had just occurred.

##$$@*@*@$*)#)(*#$(*(#(@!@#)(@)*$#)#(*@ !!

In the interests of full disclosure and a pure, open heart, I must admit that perhaps I said this.

Blessed be.

got 2 cents?