July 21, 2010 8:54 AM- lessons in self-responsibility

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times---
gah, I cannot get that damn phrase out of my head!

A pox on you, Dickens!

So, how do you want it served up?
Good news first?
Bad news second?

The thing is, I don't want to start with the crap, but neither do I want to end with the crap--

So here is what I am going to do. I'm going to start with some good stuff, lay out some of the craptastic wonder, sprinkle in some dog face, schmear with guilt that I cannot seem to be more or do more and wrap the whole thing up with a blast of beauty and light and call it a life sandwich.

Okay, by you?

Alrighty then, the good stuff. Oh my god, you guys-- the weather has been just an unending symphony of gorgeosity.

Seriously-- this Spring and Summer are hands down the most spectacular seasons I have ever experienced anywhere in my entire life. Each morning is more lovely than the next. Every afternoon, I try to focus on just how flipping extraordinary this weather is, but by evening I have run out of words to describe it and simply fall back on the grass in wonder.


Not least because of where I am living.

I know this will sound like sacrilege and I don't mean to disparage how stunning Soliden is, but my god-- I LOVE where I am living-- it feeds my soul in a way that I feel like I am in some kind of blissful spa/soul journey/spirit retreat designed just for me.

It's beauty on beauty on beauty.

We take these long walks through endless meadows. We arrive at waterfalls and natural swimming pools. In the morning, I sit under an apple tree that is right outside my door in a chair whose style must have a name, but I don't know what it is-- all I know it says "Provence" to me-- rightly, or wrongly-- it doesn't matter. That's how it FEELS to me. And I am all about the feelings these days. I am swimming in feelings. Rich, sweet, soul expanding feelings.

There's an organic farm market down the road--- so many, many things I want to take photos of and share with you all -- but I haven't been able to of late due to the TECHNICAL SH*T STORM that seems to sweep in and flip me upside down and bang my head repeatedly onto a cement wall that is topped with shards of glass.

DAISY: Take my word for it, major suckage of the most sucky suck suck variety.

In addition to having no internet where I live (and so far, no hope of getting any-- although we are STILL keeping a channel open to the gods of give-the-girl-a- flipping-break-already), my laptop died on Wednesday which, if you have ever gone through such an event AND have an internet business with a pending book launch AND live 45 minutes away from a store where you can get a new laptop . .well then, I don't have to share the nitty gritties with you.

We'll just say there was much with the frustration and the tears and the sensation of drowning in helplessness and a desire to end the misery with a swift blow to the head or, the rapid consumption of a 16 oz bottle of tequila.

However, the REAL facts of the matter are that the craptastic season of computer caulk-up were just a vehicle for me to grow the f*ck up and deal with the technology I use everyday and not wave a hand at it like some character in a Goldie Hawn movie and say, "oh just make it work."

I needed to learn about wireless routers, FTP, how to set up my landline phone, how to supervise a data transfer and the fact that it was painful is just too damn bad.

It wasn't rocket science. It's bonehead computers for dummies 101 and I'm here to say I passed the class. (Okay, maybe by the skin of my teeth-- but I did it).

If I am going to talk the talk of self-responsibility, I better damn well better walk the walk-- and so it is.

Right now I am typing to you from the local library. The laptop is on a sea captain's chest covered with newspapers, my knees are nearly to my shoulders and behind me there is a discussion about the best birdseed for goldfinches.

When I am not here-- I am home in one of my most favorite spots, ever.

This is where I sit and write, where I meditate, where I listen to music and talk on the phone. I have a feeling there will be many more photos about this chair and the chair under the apple tree. Not sure why-- but they are really calling to me right now.

Next to the chair is a deep bay window that looks out onto the apple tree. This is where I keep all my mojo, talismans, sentimental schlock and one of my most favorite photographs. A photo of friends-- and let me just say, the reason things feel good to me right now, the reason I can even get up in the morning or set a pot of coffee to brewing is because I have the most incredible circle of human beings around me who continue to be loving and supportive in the face of my most self- centered mewling.

I cannot believe how lucky I am to have a life experience replete with true friendship--- I had no idea what this was prior to SAW-- and that's the truth.

And speaking of SAW-- the journal! Will you believe me when I tell you orders have come in from: Jakarta, Singapore, Tokyo, Finland, Norway, Sweden (and not just Lizardek!), Germany, Switzerland, France, Spain, UK, Ireland, Portugal, Italy, Australia, New Zealand-- and from all across Canada and the US? It's okay if you don't because honestly, I can hardly believe my eyes when these addresses pop up on the screen.

Color me Ferklempt.

And so today I drive up to Maine where I will hook up with Noel who is taking me to her friend's lake cottage which is only 30 minutes from the printer because tomorrow . ... . the print run begins at 8 am!!

Too wild.

So that's where I am, where I've been and where I'm headed.

It hasn't been without its hurdles for sure--

But it has also been filled with some lovely moments, too.

Life, what are you gonna do?

Bisous, E

got 2 cents?

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Megsie says:
Is it okay if I ignore the computer stuff? I just don't want to think about how that must be HELL. I would rather pretend things like that don't happen, and everything just works. Okay? Okay. Your home is so magical. And beautiful. And...ahhhh. And...THE BOOK!! I can't wait!
posted on: July 21

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KAren D says:
I guess life is about enjoying the good moments and riding out the sh(* storms! What a beautiful place you have landed in, really beautiful.
posted on: July 21

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Jazz says:
What Karen said. And the book? I figured if I can't make it to SAW this is the next best thing, non?
posted on: July 21

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lizardek says:
I was on the order page so fast after I saw the news that I think I burned something. I'm so glad that you are surrounded by beauty, by love, by friendship and affection and comfort. And don't forget the thoughts of all of us who are thinking of you often :)
posted on: July 21

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lindsey says:
been there. done that. wrapping you in hugs and apple trees and beautiful moments. in love with your meditation chair. xo
posted on: July 21

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melissa says:
I'm with you on the technology crap! But its a necessary evil in this day and age. I am so excited about the book...THE book...and I can't wait to hold my copy and carry it with me everywhere. And I can't wait to see you in September!
posted on: July 21

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jen gray says:
i love you...
posted on: July 22

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Christina says:
I love that you just kicked some technology ass. I totally GET that: that desire to wave your hand and have someone make it work...and I get the satisfaction, too, of learning how to do the damn thing yourself even if it is mildly painful/annoying. Also, you do live in a little slice of dreamland right now... am loving that too. Loving you! xoxox! C
posted on: July 22

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judy wise says:
that quotation wouldn't leave me alone when I had my "similar experience". it just fits ... you are beautiful. i wish life never hurt ...
posted on: July 22

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Tracey says:
what Jen said....i love you.
posted on: July 22

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sherry says:
My most favorite band (U2) has a song called Summer Rain. At the end of the song there is this: It's not why you're running It's where you're going It's not what you're dreaming But what you're gonna do It's not where you're born It's where you belong It's not how weak But what will make you strong
posted on: July 22

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Swirly says:
I am SO HAPPY to see where you are thinking, dreaming, sitting and living ~ for whatever reason, I breathe easier having a more concrete image of where you are living. Oh ~ the PRESS RUN ~ OH OH...I am jumping out of my skin I am so excited for you, and can't wait to get my copy. You know what I'm going to say next ~ I love you, everywhere I go, in everything I do.
posted on: July 22

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doorways traveler says:
you were the balm to my loneliness tonight and knowing you is a GIFT. xx
posted on: July 23

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SBIGGY says:
Hey guys,
posted on: July 25

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stef says:
soooo loving you right and loving all that is right with the world :) xoxo
posted on: July 25

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Karin says:
You are one fortunate soul to have such breathing space. Thank you for sharing....xoxoo
posted on: July 26

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twitches says:
Back in April, my computer died, and I had nothing but my poetry backed up. Thank God I had the poetry, or I would have ended it right then & there. After much elapsed time, I got a new computer, and kept telling myself I was going to back things up as soon as I got a second here or there...then a month after getting the new computer, the hard drive crashed. Lost any new files I'd created as I'd never gotten around to backing up. On the plus side, I'm the most backed-up mofo on the planet right now with computer #3!!
posted on: July 26

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lynne says:
You *are* lucky. When I first read this entry and Daisy said is sucked, etc., I thought at first that she had something wrong with her. So glad to read through the entire post to find out that she is fine. I know computers are important and you have many things going on where they are necessary to your life, but really. You have it all where you live and you said it yourself. You can't live in that kind of beautiful space and expect technology to keep up. None of us can have it all and you have such wonderful things happening. Just enjoy! Blessings! :)
posted on: July 26

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