I know Pam Houston had a thing for cowboys*, but flowers are my weakness.

One of my all time favorite flowers is the ranunculus as Tara can tell you since, several years ago, on one memorable birthday (mine) she asked me what I wanted her to bring up from the city and I said, "ohh I don't need anything but if you could bring me some pink ranunculus, that would be so great."

(For those of you not from around these New England parts, my response was akin to saying, "oh hey, I don't want to be a bother, but could you gather up some of that golden fleece off of Mt. Olympus? Yeah? Great-- thanks!")

So, it was with something of a flourish that she handed me my Christmas gift this year and I unwrapped it to find a box of notecards from Susy Pilgrim Waters (who happens to be not only a fabulous artist and designer but a total hoot to hang out with, seriously-- check her out, she's a hoot) called RANUNCULUS. Now, I did not share the wonder of this at the time because it would take me into the land of style blogs all pitching and dishing on their favorite stuff and if there's anything that this site will never be, it's a place to pitch and dish on stuff.

Well, except for today because-- DAMN IT-- I want to make $$ from trendsetting, I truly do.

Did you know? Ranunculas are, like, so hot right now.

But enough about that. I am using this blog today to send sunshine to a much beloved friend who is cloaked in a cloudy dirge of London fog.

Yes, kids-- we have been enjoying much more than our fair share of sunshine so I thought it only karmically correct to spread it out across bloggyville, most especially to those overcast corners.

Speaking of karma, I have hit a bump in the road along my path to enlightenment. It's a bit of a puzzler really, only that makes it sound fun like a great game to play in the back seat of the car on a long family road trip when in fact it's more like the crippling darkness that descends upon me when faced with solving a calculus problem.

(Funny how I never realized how close in spelling calculus and ranunculus were until just now-- how can that be?)

So, bump in the road-- yeah.

It seems we are all connected. It seems to give love and to receive love is the same thing. And, it seems that I am not quite ready to leave the pissy waters of the wading pool and swim out into the lovely deep waters because I'm not really ready to give up all the paradigms that I have so blindly created lo these many years.

Grrr. Quite literally, grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

It seems I am rather tangled in it all.

I want to move ahead, but I am unwilling to let go of my enjoyment at sitting in judgement on people, or thinking someone is an asshole, or holding a grudge, or-- well, you get the idea. Until I am able to release those attitudes, I'm stuck here and yes, yes,-- please DON'T rush in to tell me how easy it is to do or how RIGHT it is to do or how much BETTER I'll feel once I do it. I know all that. I still don't want to open my heart, that wide. Or, rather, it seems I am not ready. And it's pissing me off.

I am pissing myself off with my stupid emotional limitations.

You see now? Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

So let's go sit in the sun and hope the bright, white light energy can soften up this hard heart of mine.

___________

*For the record, cowboys are gross. They chew tobacco and they just repel me. But, you know, once I am open-hearted and loving to all humans, well then-- maybe I'll find room for everyone, even cowboys--- well, a very small room, a half-bath perhaps, or I could put them in that space under the stairs. Let's remember how beneficial that was to the development of Harry Potter!

_______________________

NOTE - UPDATED TO ADD:

1. Yes, the photographs are of tulips (easily procured locally).
2. Yes, there is a LINK to the Grace Bonney/Saipua post about ranunculus.
3. Either I am getting more obtuse in my writing or you guys need to stop with the decaffeinated morning beverages.

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