home 
coquelicot 
o-pine 


October 24, 2008 12:57 PM- Tina Fey meets the Dalai Lama

For the past ten days or so, the dining room has been my de facto "office." And by office, I mean the place where my laptop and printer are set up, with plenty of room around them both for a disorganized mess of papers, binders, anthologies, paper clips, (and a stapler!) to cluster.

The reason for this annual banishment is that my studio has been completely taken over by the nine (oh my god, nine) pieces I am (valiantly? obstinately? naively? oh, the adverbs I could employ here . . . ) working to finish and submit to this year's SMFA sale. A better metaphor for how I generally find myself split into several pieces could not be encapsulated more aptly than to see that half of me is upstairs and half of me is here typing to you-- surrounded by the singular joy of what the mid-term of a semester brings.

However, seeing as I am facing directly out the windows-- windows that give out upon a spectacular vista of orange, blue and gold-- I'm pretty much doomed to get any work done here and might as well go back upstairs and while away the hours there until darkness comes. Except, I am a "left-brain work in the morning, right-brain work in the night" kind of person. You know, right? Right? This is how it is for you, too, right? This is not some random attempt at procrastination. This is an actual dilemma, non?

No?

sigh

Okay then-- we'll move on to other things.

First, I have to trust that you know my last post was not a thinly-veiled plea to prop me up and pat me on the head. I was honestly trying to communicate my muddle. And yet, you showered such love and kindness and support on my waffled skull that I actually felt badly, like I had been fishing for compliments which, I assure you-- was nowhere in my head when I wrote that last piffle.

So, in case I behave boorishly (as is my wont) and fail to thank you-- THANK YOU-- people of blogland, charming citizens of blogatopia-- THANK YOU. May your days be filled with caramel apples dipped in nuts!

In fact, the beauty of how this all works is that, in addition to your kind comments, in my email box was a long, thoughtful response to my post. And, that email helped me to crystallize what is at issue for me here. AND, even more importantly (to me, I suppose) is that this lovely email deftly encouraged me to engage with what is at the heart of what is going on for me.

And THEN, as things go-- after recognizing the word for me right now is SHIFT-- I start seeing blog posts all around me (namely here) and receive an email out of the blue about this movie called, wait for it--- The Shift and think-- okay, Universe, I hear you, I hear you--please remove the bludgeon you have lodged in my head.

The fact is, I've kind of been straddling two worlds. And, unless I consciously re-route the program, this blog is part of the world I am moving away from. Or, rather, to be less dramatic and less upsetting-- let's think of it in terms of rings on the tree trunk. The earlier rings are not lost, they are simply not on the current edge. It's awkward for me to even write about this here because it seems to strip me of my humor and I just don't like the world without humor. My world will always be centered on the funny. Heroes for me, genuine heroes, are people who make me laugh. By contrast, someone like Eckhart Tolle (although I'm sure he's a fine, upstanding member of his community) makes my ears and limbs fall off, much like a leprosy of boredom. It's not to say his message may not be a good one (I can't comment as last time I tried to read one of his books I spent the night searching under the bed for my nose and three digits from my left hand)-- it's that it lacks humor.

And so, here I am-- swinging through the cosmos like Jane on a zipline-- and I have no role models to draw from. Philosophy, spirituality, it's all so freaking serious (except of course for The Meaning of Life, one of my all-time favorite movies ever). Either you've got the sparkling scalpel of satire or you've got an unpalatable bowl of cold gravitas and people, I am ALL ABOUT the satire. If ever there was a club I wanted to belong to it would be one with members like these: Aesop, Aristophanes, Apuleius, Cervantes, Moliere, Swift, Wilde, Orwell, Vonnegut, Heller, George Carlin, Garry Trudeau, Scott Adams, Dave Chappelle and my own personal hero, Jon Stewart. (NOTE: is anyone else as concerned as I am that there are no women on my list? WTF?)

My point? -------> that I don't know how to reconcile an exploration of spiritual growth with my abject aversion to people who take things too seriously. (Holy hell. Did I actually just type "spiritual growth"-- my god, this is never gonna work-- spiritual growth sounds like a glowing tumor, for god's sake).

Personal growth? Oh god-- even worse. Sounds like a tumor on your ass.

Change? A political slogan.

This is my point. I'm going to have to find a new language if I am going to explore what is going on in my life--- and I'm going to have to find the angle that works for me as I share it with you all. And I truly do not know how. I truly don't.

DAISY: Don't look at us, we have NO idea what she is going on about.

HENRY: All I know it makes me very, very tired.

Perhaps if I channel Julie Andrews and we *singing* start at the very beginning, a very good place to start. When you read you begin with A, B, C when you blog you begin with

OH POOR ME
OH POOR ME

The first three words just happen to be---- wait, *tinkling piano keys*

There has GOT to be another way.

DAISY: Oh dear God, this is SO not what I signed up for. I'm looking for the Lido deck . . .

got 2 cents?



•  •  •  •

wee says:
o dear gawd. thank you for saying that about Eckhart Tolle and folks of his well-meaning, achingly earnest ilk. No, seriously. because I so feel the same way and it SO makes me feel like some knuckle dragging idiot ape. It's not that I don't WANT to understand or that I'm incapable of understanding... it's just... just... I don't even know. But you do. And that makes me feel better. immensely. xo
posted on: October 24

•  •  •  •

lizardek says:
But blogs EQUAL spiritual growth, don't they? Hmmm...I may have to change the name of mine from Lizardek's Obiter Dictum to Lizardek's Glowing Tumor.
posted on: October 24

•  •  •  •

DiaryofWhy says:
I see, and I don't. I understand what you're saying, and yet I still find myself wondering what exactly this "shift" portends. I wanted to comment on your last post but found that I didn't know what to say. For me it's kind of like...you're a mentor, in some very abstract (and totally laid-back, no pressure) kind of way. And so I will keep reading, and it's enough for me that you keep writing; I will follow as it meanders along, in whatever direction you choose to take it. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, thanks for writing, BP. :)
posted on: October 24

•  •  •  •

Sam says:
Hmmm. Very interesting. I am reading what you're saying and NOT saying and all I know is that my heart is full of love for my dearest you. I always feel like I leave the soppiest comments in all of blogland for you and others, but that's just me. I have every confidence that you will figure out what road you need to take for your creative life, and why is that separate? It shouldn't be, right? Your LIFE. Your one, wild, precious life. Of course, there is no life without laughter, you gotta have The Funny or else there's no point in getting up in the morning. And now you have me thinking...where are all the funny theologians? Might be an oxymoron.
posted on: October 24

•  •  •  •

judy wise says:
This post brought welcome howls of laughter (Glowing Tumor) - which is exactly why I love to come here. The tidbits you share are clever, thought provoking, fun. I would miss you if you left but I would thoroughly understand. I've gone through the "drop the blog" conundrum more than once but always decided in the end that it was a valuable release. I await your next thoughts on the subject.
posted on: October 25

•  •  •  •

Heather says:
I can only echo what everyone else has been saying, especially Judy. I also want to say so much that you have been a mentor to me in your own wonderfully bloggy way, and I THANK YOU FOR THAT! Ponder and don't make any rash or permanent decisions just yet, but go out and enjoy that beautiful New England fall of yours and just BE (although I too, think Ekhart Tolle is a bit nuts). And enjoy that caramel apply for me - yum!
posted on: October 25

•  •  •  •

Marilyn says:
Ah, the irony...wrote a long comment...only to have your filter flag it as spam. Not sure I can re-create it (it was heartfelt), so I'll just say this: of all your posts over the years, this is the one that most resonates with me since I find myself continually in the same boat. (It's why I mostly Twitter these days, where I can be all about the snark.) I support whatever decision you make. I know it's not an easy one.
posted on: October 25

•  •  •  •

nichole says:
umm...I started reading Tolle's "A new earth" in February. FEBRUARY. And I am still not finished. I read a page and it's like "oh look the sock drawer needs to be reorganized"..read another page and "oh let's de-rust the underside of the fridge" while we are at it.
posted on: October 25

•  •  •  •

Reya Mellicker says:
Wow. I'm so sorry I didn't drop by soon enough to add to the cacophony of appreciation for you for your last blog. I could have helped you feel even worse! Dang, man ... (giggling) I completely agree with you about Eckhardt Tolle. "leprosy of boredom" - oh yeah. As for blogging or not blogging, everyone should do whatever it is they want to. To blog out of obligation to the people who love your blog would be completely weird. If you stop, I'll sure miss you. But I respect your decisions, whether made from your right brain, left brain, whether you made them upstairs or downstairs gazing out at your exquisite view. With love and appreciation ... Reya
posted on: October 26

•  •  •  •

Carla Sonheim says:
Bless you for this post. Thank you. Jon Stewart ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!
posted on: October 26

•  •  •  •

Bethany says:
I'm cracking up over "leprosy of boredom" and "glowing tumor." How do you feel about a career change to funny theologian, like Sam said? I hear you about the shift and the world straddling, and I mostly want to say congratulations. Because it means Something Is Happening, life WILL be taking on new depth, and "aha moments" are certainly on the horizon. Tumors on your ass or no.
posted on: October 26

•  •  •  •

susangreene says:
you must read Elizabeth Lesser. This IS from Broken OPEN " But we are on the bus that says BOZO on the front, and we worry that we may be the only passenger on board. This is the illusion that so many of us labor under- that we're all alone in our weirdness and our uncertainty; that we may be the most lost person on the highway. Of course we don't always feel like this. Sometimes a wave of self-forgiveness washes over us, and suddenly we're connected to our fellow humans; suddenly we belong. It is wonderful to take your place on the bus with the other bozos. It may be the first step to enlightenment to understand with all of your brain cells that the other bus - that sleek bus with the cool people who know where they are going - is also filled with bozos - bozos in drag; bozos with a secret. When we see clearly that every single human being, regardless of fame or fortune or age or brains or beauty, shares the same ordinary foibles, a strange thing happens. We begin to cheer up, to loosen up, and we become as buoyant as those people we imagined on the other bus. As we rumble along the potholed road, lost as ever, through the valleys and over the hills, we find ourselves among friends. We sit back, and enjoy the ride." - Elizabeth Lesser
posted on: October 26

•  •  •  •

Jazz says:
First I don't think anyone thought you were fishing for compliments. Second, we all eventually hit a crossroads and things change and that's life. It would all be an immense bore otherwise. As for satire, what's life without it. I find it really sad though that nowadays lots of people are incapable of understanding satire. How sad.
posted on: October 27

•  •  •  •

Jeanine says:
I totally agree with you. What amazes me is that through all the pain of this past year, I never once lost my laugh because, damn it, it's the one thing I do well. By the way, I do believe you forgot David Sedaris on that list. And I'm not the least bit concerned that there are no women on it because to me, you are part of that list. If you could have heard my laughter bounce off the walls of my various homes as I've read your blog throughout the years.... I don't want to say "please don't go" because you gotta do what you gotta do but... please don't go :)
posted on: October 27

•  •  •  •

violetismycolor says:
I think I know where you are going with the spiritual growth thing...it just sounds so corny (and EARNEST) when one says it. But moving into finding out just who you are and what you can bring to the world is just so...important. We're all on that path, whether we know it or not...
posted on: October 28

•  •  •  •

Tracey says:
Go if you must go, darling, for I understand the persistent call of change, and more importantly, I trust we'll remain connected in spirit come rain or shine, winds from the north or south. Know this: You'll always be at the top of my totem pole what ever "shifts" you make. But, please oh please, do share with us, your devoted rock fans, a glimpse of those nine marvelous projects before they are all sold. Muuuaaahh!
posted on: October 28

•  •  •  •


Sorry, comments are now closed.




2010

2009

2008
December
November
October
28
•24
21
15
12
11
09
07
04
02
01

September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January

2007

2006

2005

2004







BP RSS

  all material on this site © 2001 bluepoppy.com design by omworks
roundabout 
email