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June 19, 2008 10:01 AM- go team homestead

Well kids, today marks the fifteen-year milestone since T and I legalized our love. Go Celtics!

In typical fashion, there were no fireworks this morning-- he did not present me with a pair of 11-carat diamond earrings and I did not hand him a pack of gift certificates for him and his bros to go golfing for the weekend. No, we've never been much for the celebration of holidays, anniversaries, birthdays-- etc.

Instead, our morning was quite the same as usual. He got up first, made coffee, let the dogs out-- came and kissed me around 7 am. I got up and discovered he had already washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. He showered me with sweet nothings, made a point of telling me how much he likes my hair and my new pajama pants, then left for the office. We won't be together tonight because I am heading down to Boston this afternoon and won't be back until midnight-ish.

15 years. I don't think it's such a big thing to be together for that amount of time, but I do think it is significant that we still love being together after spending that many years side-by-side.

If ever we were going to be split asunder, it would have been this past winter.

Whatever I shared with you on this site about the struggles we faced, I assure you, I didn?t post the half of it. It was brutal. It was the stuff that kills marriages. Or, in our case, takes those bonds you so flippantly agreed to fifteen years prior and forges them into a new metal.

No one else in the world knows what it was like. We are the only two who were in it and witnessed precisely how one another managed the stress, the frustration, the panic, the fear, the anger, the exhaustion-- we got a magnified view of each other's core self as the situation stripped all means of cover from our quotidian life. We had every opportunity to take it out on the other person, to succumb to fury and rage or to give up and get helpless-- and we did none of the above. Oh sure, there were many a primal scream and no shortage of shovels heaved with outrage into the snowy ditch. In fact, I clearly recall walking up the half-mile of hill, my arms loaded with groceries, the crampons on my boots not sharp enough to pierce the glare ice so I had to pick my way gingerly so as not to fall, and fueling my every step with the loudest, lung-bursting screams of FUCK YOU that ever ripped across the otherwise silent, dark sky. Not quite sure who I was screaming to, but it was a nice release.

My point is, we were in it together and we rallied, together.

Not sure what the next 15 years hold for us, but I take comfort in knowing whatever it is, we'll be sharing the good the bad and the ugly because, in my opinion, life is better shared-- whether it is with a partner, best friend, sibling, neighbor-- what have you. I'm really glad I don't have to go it alone, wait-- let me be more clear: I am grateful.

Happy Anniversary, T. I'm a lucky girl and don't I know it.

Daisy: Aww-- give us a kiss, Ollie. I'm in the mood for love.



got 2 cents?



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Swirly says:
So beautiful....yes, walking through the fire together like that, facing a crisis and choosing to find a way through it. Those are the toughest moments and the ones that give your relationship backbone. So inspiring, you....so inspiring.
posted on: June 19

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Tami says:
Even though you don't really celebrate, I will still say to you, "Happy Anniversary"! May you enjoy many candlelit dinners (together) in your future ;)
posted on: June 19

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nina says:
Dammit, you made me cry this morning. Happy anniversary, indeed.
posted on: June 19

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nichole says:
Happy anniversary!!!! we celebrate our 15th in september. 1993 was a good year eh?
posted on: June 19

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Jazz says:
A beautiful tribute to the power of love. You're both lucky to have each other.
posted on: June 19

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immersion says:
So rare (in my experience) and pure this love you both have. The word that comes to mind is nurture. Encouraging somebody or something to flourish and keep feeling: to keep a feeling in the mind for a long time, allowing it to grow or deepen. This seems to be ingrained naturally, shall I say perfectly in your legal love. Good wishes to you both on this, your anniversary day!
posted on: June 19

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catherine says:
trial by fire + tough times make us tougher and all those things rolled into one. Yup. You should be mighty proud of you, of he, of you two together. And too, I believe, this kind of stuff only happens to people who are creative, bright, witty, sharp - people who have fire in their hearts and minds are far more likely to have explosions than those who barely produce a simmer. You're strong. And now you're stronger. Happy Anniversary :) xo
posted on: June 19

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Liana says:
Happy Anniversary! I TOTALLY agree about life being better shared. Better, and quite a bit easier to deal with without going completely and utterly off one's rocker. At 5 and a half years married, I'm extremely happy and will no doubt be happier when it's been 15 years. Yay for marriage! Yay for love getting deeper and stronger, year by year. :)
posted on: June 19

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melanie says:
I'm just one more person jumping on the "I agree with life being better shared" bandwagon. It will be 4 years for the Mister and I in less than a month and I couldn't imagine sharing my life with anyone else. Happy Anniversary to you and T.
posted on: June 19

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tinker says:
May the season of fire and ice that forged those bonds into a new metal, be followed now, by many, many seasons of earthy love and airy beauty. (incredibly schmaltzy, I know - but it's the best I could come up with on short notice :) Happy Anniversary BP and T!
posted on: June 19

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lizardek says:
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger -- obviously that goes for marriages, too. Watching the two of you together this past April was a treat. You're my ideal of how a couple should be for each other.
posted on: June 19

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Chris says:
I'm a lone wolf chick myself, having not (at 32) found the man to spend eternity with, and finally settled to the idea that I might not. But reading what you write about T makes me hope that if I ever do meet the guy for me that we can be a strong as you two are. Marriage is not for cissies, I think. Happy Anniversary.
posted on: June 19

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Tracey says:
I can personally attest to life?s sharp curves, the kind without road signs. Falling in love is the easy part; staying there, growing there is an entirely different obstacle course. Congrats to you and T! I raise my glass to you both. Here?s to your shining example of true love, a rarity, worthy of both admiration and envy. Celebrate or not, I say, but always hold dear your blessing of not wishing you were someplace else or he was someone else, whether it be five or fifty years. Slainte!
posted on: June 19

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Neil says:
Happy anniversary.
posted on: June 19

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bella says:
happy anniversary, lovlies... wishing you both many more years of togetherness. xo
posted on: June 19

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Judy Wise says:
I always say the first 20 years are the hardest *smile*. Congratulations - you made me laugh with the "fuck yous". We've all been there. xoxoxo
posted on: June 19

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Heather says:
Oh so much to say! Congrats on the 15 years (from a 13-year -marriage-now-divorced-girl). I know it can be tough and FUCK YOUs are absolutely perfect, even if you're yelling them to the empty sky. And finally, on a happy note, my parents were married for 35 years and on their anniversaries they'd go to the card store together, pick out the card they would give to the other, read the cards in the store, and then leave. It just says something about their love and how they grew to be weirdly cheap together.
posted on: June 19

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fromthepines says:
Here's to another 15 years! I'm with ya on the winters -ughh. A trial for sure. BUT look what is out your front door. OHMYGOD! Awesome. Cheryl
posted on: June 20

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Sam says:
Happy anniversary to a pair of rock-solid lovers - sometimes, I suppose, you do hit that rock to realize how solid you are. What a gift, when the yuckiness passes. And can I say, what a relief to hear that it was hard and awful and yet here you are on the other side? There's been a lot of Internet couples (isn't that funny, I bet you never thought you'd hear that you are considered "an Internet couple") breaking up and it really does bother me. In that, I get sad over these things, which is ridiculous really, but dang it I do get sad. Of course I believe in doing what it takes to be happy, or whatever, but deep down, I want people to be happily married. Forever. The end. It's unrealistic I know but I've never been one for reality. All that to say, much love to you and T. And the whole time I was reading this very serious and good post, I was listening to Little One saying, "Duh-oguh!" Over and over and over again. He's crazy for the puppies.
posted on: June 20

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Daffiodilly says:
Happy Anniversary you love bugs!
posted on: June 21

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Jessie says:
I love your writing. God, I love it! :) And happy, HAPPY anniversary! I'm creating a new dog card--it's of a pair of labs--and the quote will read: "Behind every good dog is another good dog." This, of course, makes me think of your human/canine family! :)
posted on: June 21

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hele says:
You make me want to love better and more.
posted on: June 21

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Sheryl says:
Happy Anniversary!
posted on: June 22

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Jeanine says:
Happy Anniversary! Makes my heart swell to know there is such love out there and I'm so happy you found it.
posted on: June 22

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Meg says:
That's so awesome. We did fifteen last year and no one was more surprised than me. I guess it's true, what doesn't kill you....
posted on: June 23

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otter says:
Oh, my. The very happiest of (belated, no surprise) anniversaries to you both. You are both the absolute bees knees and I'm glad that you have each other to share your bee-kneeficense.
posted on: June 25

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Marilyn says:
And belated Happy Anniversary!
posted on: June 28

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