19 October 2007

I am not an angry person. Some people (that?s to say, my husband) think I suppress my anger and that it is buried somewhere deep inside of me. For a time, I thought this must be true and even though I couldn?t feel anger, I imagined, intellectually, that I was a walking time-bomb of repression.

Eh, not so much.

I?ve come to a point in my life where I understand myself pretty well and know with a rather high degree of certainty that I am just not an angry person. I did have a great deal of rage that surfaced in my late teens and early twenties. This deep-seated anger manifested in the most common, garden snake variety of juvenile destruction of both self and the world around me, but those wounds have been healed and the only emotions left kicking around that pile of embers is plain old sadness and loss.

However, having said all that, there are two buckets from which my anger can pour. One is in the face of mistreatment and/or destruction of beauty, animals, people, life?it?s the great irony that confronted with a human being?s cruel stupidity I am infused with a murderous rage. Not that I act on it, but stupidity and cruelty will flip my switch.

The other bucket? Getting sick.

Yep?if I get sick I get so mad at myself. Maybe it?s simply misplaced frustration, but it really feels like straight up anger, no chaser.

And, you guessed it?Tuesday night I began to feel that slow, sluggish, muscles aching feeling and an ominous tickle in the back of my throat. Wednesday morning I got up at 5 am so that I could be home by 8 am and have the whole day in front of me to give the dogs a huge walk, and accomplish zillions of tasks, but instead, I was hardly able to be upright for 15 minutes at a go. It sucked. And I was furious at myself.

Then, that same afternoon I received a package from the amazing Laini which shifted my feelings entirely. It was a like a giant wave of light and love and sweetness lofted through the window. And I was so profoundly grateful to her and to the exquisite timing of it all.

Now this woman, I mean, please?not only does she make art that is filled with spirit and magic, she has written a freaking fabulous BOOK that is blazing a trail of rave reviews AND she has another book coming out with no less than Harry Potter?s publisher AND she shares inspiration, encouragement, and all sorts of good things at each of her blogs. She is just such an example of all that can be accomplished (provided you have self-confidence, determination, a helluva work ethic and riotous talent, obvs). She?s extraordinary.

In the package she sent me buttons she made for her Not For Robots blog that I gave to my writing students yesterday who LOVED them.

I?m really at a loss to explain her?do you think she?s perhaps a creature from another planet only posing as a human? Hmmmm, let me think on that.

And in the face of such creative output, I can heartily assert that there will be no 2008 calendars coming out from this neck of the woods. I can hardly get the minimum done?(any extra creative exertion will be relegated to my impending senectitude which I envision as a long, protracted phase of my life where I putz about muttering nonsense).

So, as thrilled as I am that you enjoy these snapshots, they?re pretty much relegated to this here blog until such time as I have a fully-staffed household with no less than two personal assistants, or failing that, a blood transfusion from one of those alien creatures who hail from the same planet as Laini.

19 October 2007

19 October 2007

19 October 2007

19 October 2007

P.S. Two more treats:

Also in the mail I got my copy of The Arrival, (thanks AGAIN to Laini who recommended it on her site) and oh, it is so freaking amazing, I have no words. Let me just say, if illustration that knocks you to your knees is your kind of thing, I suggest you put your hands on it posthaste, or go to Shaun?s website to see what I mean.

And, my dearest friend, the one who has ruined me forever since I can now only enjoy genuine English or Belgian chocolate?the one who has shared in our addiction to Survivor lo these many years?she has a blog! Do stop by and tease her for her British spelling--

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