When you look into some flowers like the thistle above or chrysanthemums, do you see tiny hands praying into the center?

I always do, particularly today?not, as you might think because I?ve been tossing rose petals behind me as I skip down the garden path, but because images from Pan's Labyrinth will not leave me (and no, I still have not sat down to write it all out I?ve been too busy what with the rose petals, garden paths, et al).

One scene that rolls over and over in my mind is when the young, loving mother, ill with a difficult pregnancy, lashes out at the girl who is teetering on the terrible edge between childhood and adulthood. The mother says, ?there are no fairies?there is no magic?life is cruel and you must accept that.? Of course part of why this rather standard lecture to adolescents carries more force than usual is due to the horrific adult reality surrounding the mother and daughter.

Beyond horrific. And yet, when I sat down the other day to try and write it out in my morning pages I wrote that part of what is so utterly insupportable is to know that the Captain?s sadism is going on right now and I started listing out Darfur, Iraq, Abu Gharaib, Afghanistan, and then my thoughts went to other places in other times the Kmer Rouge in Cambodia, the conquistadors in South America, the settlers of this continent against Native Americans, the Nazis, the Spanish inquisition, Russia, Prussia, Yugoslavia, Scotland, Ireland, Rwanda it just went on and on my pen wouldn?t stop and all I could say was my god my god my god what are we? Why do we continue to grow Captains?

But eventually, I put the pen down. I?ve long since learned not to let my mind dwell there. However, the sands beneath my feet continue to churn.

Yesterday I was having a bit of an emotional crisis, which if you reflect back on the incomplete list above makes you want to whack me across the head with a 2x4?and yet, there I was, in the throes of bleakness about my decision to up and unemploy myself and pursue a path that is full of risk and insecurity. (I know, I know?they call this CRAZY, non?)

I asked for guidance and help and lo, before the day was through, I was inundated with clear energetic support. Inundated with it. All around me?pure magic--both people with supportive words as well as all kinds of encouragement popping up in the natural world around me. Not the least of which was this thistle growing up out of nowhere in bloom for me today. Thistle is a magical talisman for me ? which I can explain another day.

For now, I will try and salvage this post that I don?t even want to read back over because I know if I do I will delete it?so quick quick?here?s some dogalogue from the morning.

Henry: Uh, dude. Heads up--we?re not alone.

Ollie: A guy can?t keep his nose warm?

Ollie: Wait. Why am I feeling all chagrined? Bitch has violated my privacy.

Henry: Funny, that?s what I said when you chose to repose your cold, wet nose upon the delicate curve of my anus.

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