SLAM.

Jesus. That month was long.

Has it only been nineteen days since we last hung our wash along the back fence? Okay, fair enough, I?m the one hanging out all the wash here?but you know, I like to think we?re in this together?

Anyway, it sure feels a helluva lot longer than that to me. Yea verily, whole lifetimes have passed since we last chatted. Let?s see if I can create a quick summation so that I can go to bed before midnight because, yes Virginia, I have STILL not gone on vacation yet and I am STILL tired. In fact, more tired than before. But, when I wake up tomorrow, I will be on vacation so you can imagine why I want to get straight to bed.

Without further ado, here?s what you missed:

ME
T and I had a huge altercation. How large is huge? Well, as I responded to an invitation last week when a friend invited us to a Cinqo de Mayo party, ?Sure, sounds fun?we?ll be there if we?re still married.?

In retrospect, it?s not that surprising. We were both sick with some wretched horribleness but had to keep working long days anyway?something had to snap and boy did we ever. We actually didn?t speak to each other (or look at each other) or sleep in the same room for 51 hours. The only point where words were exchanged during the ?ice-out offensive? was when we had a plumber installing the bathtub and T called out, ?can you come look at this?? to have me approve the placement of the faucets and I said to the plumber, ?is he talking to me??

SNAP.

Of course, as you all know?there?s no level of intimacy so charged as that following reconciliation. Go love! Think we?ll make that 14th wedding anniversary in June after all.

THE HOUSE
Our master bathroom bathtub is finally in and working! As this is the only bathtub in the house and we are both BIG bathtub freaks?this was cause for frabjous celebration. Bonus detail you can?t plan if you tried? If you take a tub on a clear night, moonlight ripples across the water?beat that Architectural Digest.

And, I have a kind of wild and crazy project I?m doing in the living room and if it works, I?ll post pics before and after.

THE BROMBIE MOB What would a March be like without dog trauma? Henry and Ollie took off the other night?they were found and taken care of by neighbors, but Henry had (wait for it) yes! Been attacked by some kind of clawed creature that put a half dozen gouges in his backside and required a visit to our beloved Dr. J.

Daisy had only just returned from an overnight with Dr. J as she got her belly sliced open and her ovaries, et al scooped out. This upset me a lot prior to the event. But then she came home and was her regular adorable self?so I got over it.

THE JOB
I can?t put it into words, but I will try when I come back and am not so toasty fried. It is full on?but with so much magic and creativity and zowzapop?but good god I am so glad I am taking a few days off.

LIFE
Our town is exceedingly small (pop 1500? Maybe?) and there?s a town yahoo message board which is just great for keeping up with all the happenings. The other day this message (below) was there from an incredible woman that I secretly stalk (she?s this beautiful, young, vibrant creature and an amazing director and actress and teaches at the university where I work and her office is down the hall from me) and I loved her posting so much I wrote back to her without stopping to think my url was at the bottom of my email so she found this website?which is, I guess, karma for me secretly stalking her, non? But if you wanted to know why I love my town, this plea for help pretty much sums up life in these here parts.

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Orphaned duck
Hello Everyone!
I've got a tame little duck that needs a good home. Her name is Trotski.

She was one of two fawn and white female Indian Runner Ducks that I raised and adored from ducklings. I have absolutely doted on these little ducks. It's a bit pathological.

My good old dog Charley (who is getting impatient in his old age) snapped at and accidentally killed Gorby 2 days ago (Gorby spent most of her time under his feet and she got in between him and his bone). Trotski is disconsolate and has spent the last 2 days pacing and quacking her head off and I think it's really important that she is not alone.

Um, I recognize the absurdity of that statement- I'm worried about the psychological welfare of a duck named Trotski. I'm losing it. But she's a sweet little duck and I love her and I don't want her to be lonely.

I'm loathe to replace Gorby with another duck because I'm worried that Charley is no longer trustworthy like he used to be around little animals. SO I'm looking for a safe, affectionate home for Trotski. She needs to be with other ducks. She was always the more shy of the two ducks and has wicked codependency issues. She doesn't want to do anything by herself.

For example, since Gorby's death Trotski has taken to following the cat around as if he was a duck. She is tame (although shy), loves tomatoes, lays 1-2 delicious eggs a day (the eggs are a beautiful light pink and taste heavenly), eats pounds of slugs off of garden plants, can swim underwater, comes when she's called, doesn't fly, and will follow your canoe when you go out paddling.

oh I'm so sad.

So if anyone has pet or laying ducks ( She's a pet who lays eggs. She's not a meat duck.) and would be willing to add Trotski to your flock please let me know. I really want her to be happy and not alone.

Thanks,
Heather-The-Duck-Obsessed

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That just slayed me. The good news? I read on the board this morning that Trotski has found a new home. So, my friends-- I am off to bed.

A la prochaine ~

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