So this is how it all works, I remember now! I sit here with a grant proposal essay to complete by today (no ifs ands or buts it must be today) and suddenly the blog beckons.

Come type over here, it calls. You miss your friends. Who cares if you have absolutely nothing to say? That?s the beauty of the blog. Recount the time that little dog bit your ear lobe off and your mom kept waving you to shush while she finished her phone conversation until the palm cupped around your ear overflowed and blood spilled down the front of your shirt. ?I?ve gotta go,? she sighed with the weariness befitting a mother of five wild hellions who have her on a first name basis with all the surgeons at the clinic, ?Beth?s giving me her impression of Marie Antoinette.?

See? Where else do such random bits of personal memory find such a good home?

Like many others, I am absolutely inspired by Laura. I cannot believe she can be pregnant with her sixth child and participate so successfully in such an emotionally (and, arguably, physically) grueling challenge. I just love her strength, her humor, the fabulous contrast between her impeccable, Audrey Hepburn aesthetic and her wry, bawdy humor. Even when she was falling apart in front of the camera she managed to hold it all together. God, that is one tough broad. She genuinely inspires me.

Why am I hitting a block on this grant essay? Just last weekend I drove down to Boston to spend the day with my niece and help her with her college essay. And we did it in less than six hours. And it rocks. I say that with no small amount of modesty. Her essay totally rocks and I know what I brought to the equation. But now, I have to write my own and funny how that seems to stop up the creative flow.

Creative flow is what it has all been about of late. I don?t know where the past 6 (or has it been 8?) weeks have gone. This new job has completely consumed me. In a very good and wonderful way, but also has left me blanched and canceling social events left and right?a great way to make your friends happy, BTW. My darling sister-in-law has given up on me because after sending me repeated long, chatty emails to which I don?t even respond?I think she has decided I?m a big jerk. Hey, to my credit, it took her 15 years to discover this.

It will all even out. I know this. There are two, no wait, three pieces that have to fall into place and then, I think, my life will regain some rhythm and pace.

1. This job has me in the community. Heavily. Meeting with school principals, teachers. Working with volunteers of all stripes. Presenting at board meetings and potlucks. Playing phone tag with artists and their agents. Joining organizations that support non-profit art endeavors, etc etc etc. All of which is to say: loads of people contact and this is way too much for this introvert. I need very, very little contact with other human beings. In fact, I actually NEED very little contact with other human beings or I get overwhelmed. But, now that I?m getting the hang of things and most of the initial big ?getting to know you? activities are through, I think this will get manageable.

2. Cleaning through and organizing eleven years of garbage. Literally. My predecessor is one of those people who keeps everything. Things that should have been thrown away. GARBAGE. And I have had to go through (I?m barely half way through) boxes and boxes and boxes and files and files and files of crap to sort out what does need to be saved for the archives, etc and what does not. HINT: handwritten notes about an artist?s travel schedule from April 1998 does NOT have to be kept. Multiply by a godzillion.

3. New programming. My head is spinning with the new programs I hope to develop but getting from the excited brainstorming stage to the tactical here?s-how-we-are-gonna-make-this-happen stage is hard work. It demands a level of attention and focus that I can?t seem to muster in the heat of keeping the existing programs on track. But I will.

Do not for a moment think I am kvetching or unhappy. From morning to night, moment to moment, I am the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. I?m simply a preventative-type personality. I like everything organized to the nth degree. I love predictability and preparedness because those provide me the foundation for spontaneity. And, right now, I am still chasing the train. I have yet to make the train my bitch. And I hate guff. So all this garbage in my space makes me cranky because I would so much rather be creating something new, than sorting through someone else's old shit.

Oh and hey! House projects continue. You may be happy to learn we painted the kitchen last weekend (a 4-day extravaganza). We, as always, is the royal we since I painted Thursday and Friday and then left T for the weekend to finish the remaining 14 hours on his own. But, drumroll please, the kitchen she is yellow! (Don't underestimate the power of your comments in this). Go figure. We love it. Bold, strong, only problem is now every other room in the house looks totally washed out.

Gah. I believe there is much more painting in my future.

This weekend we are having an open house/housewarming/bonfire/any excuse to party, party. Because, you know, I need more contact with loads and loads of people.

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