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May 23, 2006 11:30 AM- chanelling Mary Emmerling
Oh, the sad truth will out. I actually cornered a woman at my office and forced her to take her sweater off and give it to me. It was the perfect color green--dark woodsy, sage-y green. I brought it home to T to show him THIS is a color I could live with if you MUST have green.
He did not touch the sweater I proffered. Instead he looked at me with sincere concern.
"Most people go to a paint store and bring home, you know, paint chips."
It is so unfair. I read Metropolitan Home. I watch "Divine Design". They make it look easy.
I'm having flashbacks back to 7th grade with Mrs. Mathias who would put algebra word problems on the blackboard. She would solve them.
SNAP.
So easy. Piece of cake.
And then we would work on one--by ourselves. And, OH MY GOD I failed Algebra and had to repeat it in 8th grade and I only got a passing grade because Jimmy Tedeschi had a crush on me and he went to Princeton on a math scholarship but it was all a lie-- I STILL can't do word problems!
The house, it is doomed.
got 2 cents?
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Andrea says:
Ha ha, love the article. I can never make up my mind when it comes to decorating. I don't know who said that women should be born with built-in decorating sense but they should be shot.
posted on: May 23
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Vespa Rosso says:
Decorating should be easy for you -- you have such a wonderful eye when it comes to taking gorgeous pictures. Even if you keep the white walls, guests will be so enthralled at the color that YOU infuse into their lives that they'll totally disregard the lack of decor.
posted on: May 23
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sarai says:
and i thought that newspaper article was about me.
you're not the only one bp. i'm on a first name basis with the paint guy at home depot. i think i have every single paint chip in the bottom of my purse and yet i still can't commit.
where's that X chromosone when you need it?
posted on: May 23
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Coquette says:
Omigod that article is brilliant. Decorating *is* easy for you BP, you just aren't in the swing. That's what I say. Once you're in the swing ole "Divine Design" better watch her back.
posted on: May 23
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lizardek says:
LOL! You are hilarious. When we were finishing our house, Anders sent me to the wallpaper store ALONE and as I approached the cashier several hours later with a bazillion rolls of DIFFERENT green wallpaper (green for the living room, the foyer, the master bedroom, the playroom) she said, with a very doubtful voice, "That's a lot of green, honey. Are you sure?" EEK! But it looks great! Never doubt! Forge ahead!
posted on: May 23
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Lauren says:
My dear - I'm having the same problem. How can the girl with the swankiest euro-trash deco room out of all her college roommates now live in a sea of beige? I always thought my problem was that I was renting... I guess it's bad on both sides. You'll get the design bug soon. We have to.
posted on: May 23
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Vaguely Urban says:
You are so hardcore HGTV with the "inspiration sweater." Paint chips are for amateurs!
posted on: May 23
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Sheryl says:
I know you will do beautifully! (But you could call in a professional, you know, strictly for consult.)
posted on: May 23
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Lil says:
I feel your pain. I've been putting off painting the hallway, dining room and kitchen for over 3 years now, in an agony of indecision. Try www.benjaminmoore.com to try out paint colours in different rooms. It might help. I sorta thought it did, but well.... le sigh
posted on: May 23
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otter says:
Bwahahaha! You clever girl, I do so adore you.
posted on: May 23
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wee says:
You can't believe how these very thoughts are consuming me. We've decided to do some modest renovations this summer ( repainting, recarpeting, new flooring in kitchen and bathrooms, gas fireplace, new window coverings, garden reno) and I am FREAKING. OUT. I know, I know.... you're all like very understanding and stuff. But the thing is? I'm a PROFESSIONAl designer. I have education and experience coming out the ass on this stuff... well, not home decor, but on colour theory and composition and all that crap? yeah. Got that. Out The Ass. But I am still freaking notheless. And drowning under an avalanche of HGTV, home decor mags that I've been collecting and reading voraciously since dinosaurs roamed the earth and paint chips, whilst (WHILST!) making with the frantic freaksome freaky freakoutedness. All this designery knowledge is all well and good when i'm applying it to crap for Olay or Loreal or dinosaur museums and comic books... but when it comes to applying it to my own living environment? I kinda lose it.
posted on: May 23
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Bridget says:
But shades of green are so restful and fresh (says the girl who painted her house in shades of celadon and khaki).
I failed statistics in college. Twice. Can I be in the cool kids club now with you?
posted on: May 23
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Joy says:
But remember, nothing's permanent!
And my heart goes out to the poor shivering topless woman, standing bewildered as you make off with her sweater. Have mercy!
posted on: May 23
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stephanie says:
Two things, no, three things: 1. they can color match just about anything these days with them fancy sharks with lasers strapped to their heads, so take the sweater, the rock in the garden, a carrot, what eh-vah into the paint store to get it color-matched. 2. It's just paint, hun. You can paint it again. (It's not like cutting a 46 degree angle when you, chuckle, need it to be 47.5 and it's your last piece of special order molding. Ohhh... good times.) Yes, it's a primo pain in the tuckass, but you can always paint over it. 3. hello? Mrs. Fung Shui? Calling Mrs. Fung Shui! Get thy ass on the case.
posted on: May 23
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pomme says:
I had to google Mary Emmerling (who? Ah, I see) and I feel really stupid asking this (since no one else has said anything so they all obviously get it) but is that a real article??
The house is so not doomed. You have taste to spare - my guess is you're a perfectionist and that's why you keep stalling.
posted on: May 23
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gracia says:
If only newspaper generators were more readily available to perform other functions! cheers, gracia
posted on: May 23
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Erica says:
Pshaw! I have every confidence that you and T will decorate Soliden beautifully -- as original and interesting and thoughtful as you are.
posted on: May 23
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heather says:
I, dear BP, will save you! I am a devoted Divine Design junkie and I will save you! Send me sweaters, send me anything - I will solve your problems!
posted on: May 23
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la vie en rose says:
you are brilliant and hillarious. who needs decorating skills when you have wit and creativity?
posted on: May 23
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Laini says:
No, it shouldn't be such agony! It's only paint! I've lived in my first very own house for a little over 5 years now and the first thing we did when we moved in is paint COLOR. Red living room, golden kitchen, orange bathroom (soon to be changed to lime green). Paint is so glorious and above all, easily fixable. And it makes everything come alive! Have fun with it! It DOES get easier after the first room!
posted on: May 23
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river selkie says:
::snicker:: you should see the color in my place! after living with white walls until i was 27, i finally moved into a place where i could have free reign with colors. my bedroom is a deep blue. it's amazing. guest room supehero-red. bathroom sage green, computer room goldish tan, kitchen-living room reddish mocha. yes, it's quite the mix!
posted on: May 24
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endment says:
Great post - why am i laughing?
I hired a decorator - it was wonderful - as soon as he made his suggestions i knew what i didn't want. wonderful help!
posted on: May 24
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nichole says:
oh god. I watch candace olson too..hoping by miracles of miracles one of her fabulous decorating ideas might actually rub off on me? Nope. she's amazing...I am. NOT.
posted on: May 24
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violetismycolor says:
I drove through the neighborhoods in Portland with the cutest house, took pictures, found what I thought were the best matching paintchips, and then went back to said houses with paint chips to make sure I'd gotten it right.
For the green I eventually chose, I even went up to the door to ask the woman if she could tell me what the exact color was. Turns out it was someone I knew. She had recently moved there and she was thrilled that I loved her paint colors.
It does drive one crazy trying to get it just right, but it is so important. It's a decision you live with for years.
posted on: May 24
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bad penguin says:
I think getting the woman to give you her sweater was inspired! Picking paint colors is hard. John and I have been ignoring the wall paper we don't like in our living room for almost a year now because we're not sure which direction we want to go in.
posted on: May 24
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pomme says:
Newspaper Generator! Duh!
posted on: May 24
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etta says:
Decorating is overrated.
posted on: May 25
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Sorry, comments are now closed.
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