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April 04, 2006 12:22 PM- seeds get planted

(This post is the first in a series of reflections on my experience attending ArtFest 2006).

One of the hundred things I loved about Port Townsend was time spent on the beach?an ocean beach. Of course there are beaches here, but they border lakes. There?s a world of difference, namely the tide.

And it?s tide I?ve got on the brain. High tide, low tide?the rhythm of it all. As you may have noticed from yesterday?s post?my emotions are surging six ways to Sunday and I?m feeling a bit the teacup in the storm. So the best way for me to get grounded is to go back to the beginning and chart my way through.

I know, I know?hardly the spontaneous ?loose-go-with-the-flow? approach?but, remember, I have a Virgo moon and am a girl who loves nothing better than to sort a mess of beans and lentils into neat, little piles.

So, back to the beginning we go.

As some of you know, I had been struggling with the color of my days which seemed to be all office gray and very little creative pink. The cycle seemed to run like this:

I?d wake up all joyous and excited?make coffee, gaze out at the beauty view, snuggle with my dogs next to the woodstove, throw a jacket and ski pants over my jammies and take the dogs for a long walk in the woods, come back into the house, cheeks flushed feeling alivealivealive, greet T as he started his day, spend a mad-dash-15 minutes getting ready for work?and off I went.

At work, within a short amount of time, the smile was gone, the drudgery was upon me but I plugged along until I could get into my car and light a cigarette to dispel the stress. I can?t tell you how much I looked forward to that cigarette. It came to represent everything for me?freedom, wildness, release.

Back at home, it would be dark?and all my thoughts of going into the studio would disintegrate to ash?instead I?d sit in front of the fire, eat some dinner, watch Jon Stewart and head to bed. I had no energy. And I hated myself for having no energy. In fact, I started hating the desire to create because all it was doing was making me miserable. Better to have no desire than to not be able to act on it, I thought.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

In my spare moments at work I would surf art sites?specifically, multi-media artists as that is the medium I work in. One day in December I stumbled on Teesha and Artfest.

With my hallmark impetuousness, I signed up in that moment before the doubts, uncertainty and hesitation had time to set in. (Trust me, they had plenty of time to harass me in the weeks that followed, but lucky for me there wasn?t any undoing of the registration).

Part of the fear (as that is what creates doubt, uncertainty and hesitation) was that I have never been to Seattle, I didn?t know a soul who was going, and I?d never known anyone who had gone. A leap in the dark, for sure.

But, you know what they say about taking that first step . . .

Within a week or so I received an email from Andra. She lives in Maine and asked me if I wanted to travel out with her, share a rental car etc.

Let me put this another way. She found the perfect flights to and from, her husband travels frequently so he got us a rental car for peanuts, and I had a traveling companion who was also going out for the first time. Basically, all I had to do was brush my teeth and show up with my face washed.

Score!

So that was all December. A new year began and I decided to make some resolutions?something I rarely do. And then, Kat organized a blogger?s Artist?s Way and despite my inclination to resist?I drew upon that fresh resolve to loosen the fuck up and plunged into that, too.

There couldn?t be any better prep work for attending Artfest than for it to come on the heels of doing the Artist?s Way. Well, let me rephrase that. Of course there are many wonderful ways to prep for Artfest, but this really worked for me. And it was a total synchronicity as Artfest occurred on the 12th and final week of AW?something I had absolutely no control over. It was just meant to be.

So, before I go any further, you must allow me to publicly thank Kat.

Dear Kat,

This letter has been in my head for some time but now that I?m actually sitting down to write it the belfry is wide open and all the pretty birds have flown.

I?m not sure what led you to launch AW for bloggers but I imagine you may have had some trepidation or perhaps some doubt on how it would all pan out. I want to counter any negative voices or internal critics who may have crossed your path along the way.

Please hear me when I tell you how grateful I am to you for having organized it. Through you I met many like-minded spirits that I would never have encountered otherwise. These are people I will continue to connect with long into the future. These are people so filled with spark and creative spirit that it?s like a festival of fireflies.

Please hear me when I tell you how amazed I am that you took the time to organize it. We all have many demands on our time and you could have so easily chosen to do AW on your own?save yourself the trouble of being a leader. Instead, you generously gave of your time and energy to form a collective. Your posts were so lovely, so full of grace?it helped me stay on track and keep the pace.

Please hear me when I say thank you. I am deeply grateful. Your actions helped me to launch into a new phase of life and experience and entirely new level of inspiration.

My hope is that one day we get to meet, either here or in Boston?perhaps for a Northeast AW gathering . . ?

All the best always,

Elizabeth

got 2 cents?



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lizardek says:
That was just lovely. What a super sense of renewal! :)
posted on: April 04

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samantha says:
Awesome. So awesome. You are so brave and mighty and glowing with all good things. I love seeing how everything came together, and can't wait to hear more. How lucky, nay, blessed are all these folks who got to meet the lustrous BP! And even though I didn't finish AW, I need to send Kat my own thank you note. Thanks for the reminder.
posted on: April 04

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kat says:
thank YOU. thank you from the deep-down-bottom of my heart. believe me, it was worth it a million times over to see the effects it had on others, the community it formed and getting to know you better. yes, a northeast aw gathering would be so cool! do you know about melba's plans for justBe? she hopes it will be something like artfest. i bet she would love, love, love to hear about your experiences there. and thank you for sticking with it despite your initial feelings and for sharing your experiences here. i know for a fact that your words have meant a lot to many on this journey. and thank you also for taking the time to write that sweet note. it meant a lot to me. i'm not a yogi or anything, but the word *namaste* keeps running through my head as what i want to say to you. so, namaste.
posted on: April 04

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Aithbhreac says:
Thanks for the first installment. Looking forward to hearing more about the experience. It was also comforting to hear your explanation of the wash-rinse-repeat cycle, which I am presently in the throes of myself, and know that I'm not the only one and that the cycle CAN be broken!
posted on: April 04

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Heather says:
I finally got caught up on all the wonderful BP posts I've been missing. I've decided the next chance I get some spare change I'm going to purchase the Artists Way, as my drawing class is just one of the most wonderful highlights in my life so full of lots of crap lately. If it ignites a fire in you such as this, I hope I can find the same.
posted on: April 04

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violetismycolor says:
I am so happy that the whole thing was so serendipitous for you. And the Pacific Coast is so beautiful and very different from the East Coast. Can't wait to hear more about your trip!
posted on: April 04

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etta says:
Oh gosh. Do I ever hear you on the wash-rinse-repeat cycle. Can you give us a sneak preview and divulge your antidote recipe? Looking forward to the coming installments chronicling your break from artist block hell.
posted on: April 05

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liz elayne says:
i keep coming back to read it again...i love the synchronicities...and the beautiful way you have thanked Kat. oh i can't wait to read more, more, more!
posted on: April 05

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otter says:
*holding up bowl* more, please.
posted on: April 05

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jes says:
Can't wait to see the beautiful things that may come from all of this!
posted on: April 05

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sarai says:
what an inspiration. thank you. your zeal spills out of the screen a motivates me to get up off the couch and dust off the office gray.
posted on: April 05

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lottie says:
I was just sidetracked into thinking you go to bed very early as we have jon stewart at 7.30 pm in the uk, but of course he's on later in the states... that aside, you've surely planted some pretty damn inspirational meant-to-be seeds
posted on: April 05

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la vie en rose says:
what a beautiful way to say thank you. "a festival of fireflies"--that was a perfect description!
posted on: April 05

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Joy says:
What forms of expression are you considering? I'm interested to hear if cupcakes are still involved...
posted on: April 05

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nina says:
more, more, MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xoxoxoxo
posted on: April 06

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Margaret says:
PORT TOWNSEND? I live not too far from there,and spent some wonderful time at Fort Worden for a Natural Helpers Training for my school. What a lovely place. I hope it has been fun for you.
posted on: April 07

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Meredith says:
You speak with such true, true words. These sentiments spoke to me... 1. doubt is fear and how often I ignore that and validate my doubts. FOR SHAME! 2. getting frustrated at the urge to creat because if I don't create it renders me worthless. makes me the girl who didn't create but ate ice-cream instead. Also, I'm a full-fledged Virgo. The fun never stops in this house.
posted on: April 07

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