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April 03, 2006 11:41 AM- so it begins
In our household, there is an old, much beloved phrase that gets pulled out of the drawer now and again whenever the right situation warrants it.
However, this phrase did not come into the world trailing clouds of glory?ah no. It entered our personal lexicon during the very worst phase of our marriage; a phase that lasted an excruciating three months. (Do you have any idea just how many MINUTES are in three months?!! Do you?)
And no, for you long-time readers, I am not referring to the time our house caught on fire and we were without a kitchen for 18 months, nor am I referring to the time T shot a piece of metal into his cornea (while using a staple gun) and had to get four stitches on his eyeball. No, the three months of hell were when T decided to quit his 25-year, pack-a-day cigarette habit COLD TURKEY.*
It was during those horrible months (oddly, I just realized it was precisely this time of year?March, April, May) that he turned to me one day and said, ?the man you knew is gone. I?ll never be happy again.?
Though I?m sure you?ve all just smiled indulgently at this bit of high drama?believe me when I tell you how that line drove an ice pick through my heart because he delivered it with so much hatred and from the blackest abandoned well of despair.
Now of course?we use it to make each other laugh.
Why did I just drag you through this long-assed anecdote? Because I am back from ArtFest and there is something I must tell you all.
The woman you knew is gone. This blog will never be the same.
I tell you this upfront so that those of you who begin to see what is missing or changed and don?t like it will know that I understand completely if you never return again. Truly, I understand and don?t blame you. I wish you nothing but peace.
Right now I?ve just returned from a rather long trip East?yesterday, we had to get up at 4:30 am (which with the time change was really 3:30 am) drive to a ferry then drive to the airport fly to Chicago (which I kept thinking was Philadelphia which solidified my traveling companion?s opinion of me as a certifiable bobble-head) fly to Manchester and then drive home which put me on my doorstep at 11 pm.
This morning, of course, I had to weep over my sweet Henry?s wounds---- thank you all for the love and kindnesses and caring you sent to us. We?ll be sure to keep you posted on the progress he makes--- I also had to savor the joy of being home and am glad (seeing as he not only kept the dogs and homestead safe, he also kept my blog updated) my banner is as well-suited to the day as it is.
Right now, I must plow through the hundreds of emails here at work and clear some of the busyness off my desk so I can get my office life back into order.
But, what is coming over the next two plus weeks will be predominantly, if not exclusively, a recounting and exploring of all that I just experienced which was one of the most important experiences of my life.
Wherever possible, I will link to the blogs and websites of the people I met and share photos, artwork etc.
In this moment, by all rights, I should be tired. I should be overwhelmed, but I am not.
I have never been so alive. I have never felt my energies pouring through every cell in my flesh. I have never been so clear about my purpose or the gifts I have to bring. Or the ability to see how the light shines in each person around me.
This is an awakeness I have never known. It's as if I have been electrified. Sort of an electric shock therapy-- if shock therapy could be produced on the highest order of gentleness and love and magic and alchemy.
*Which he did. And I have never, ever, ever been so proud of anyone in my entire life.
********
P.S. Late-breaking news from LoveFest 2006: the first date occurred last Friday night, a balmy 73 degrees in Boston?she wore strappy sandals, a flirty skirt and lovely sweater?they strolled through the oh-so-romantic North End and dined in an Italian restaurant JUST LIKE LADY AND THE TRAMP only they weren?t in the alleyway--- all of which is to say YES!! YES!! YES!! I can start working on that rehearsal dinner toast.
got 2 cents?
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endment says:
Will be waiting to hear all the details... It is always wonderful to come back from any event filled with enthusiasm and joy.
posted on: April 03
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Bridget says:
Welcome home! You sound positively fresh and I can't wait to hear all the lovely details of your awakening. Give that man of yours an extra hug, he's kept the homefires burning and overcome a huge obstacle. My husband also quit after a 25 yr habit and he's definitely not the same man-he's better!
posted on: April 03
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lizardek says:
The woman we knew is evolving like a butterfly. I can't wait to see what you come up with next :)
posted on: April 03
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river selkie says:
well, m'dear. it will be a pleasure to meet the new you. (as it was a pleasure with the old).
posted on: April 03
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sarai says:
so can i go to this place and get the shock you have? you sound amazing and i can't wait to hear all about it.
enchante.
posted on: April 03
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samantha says:
I can't wait to hear all about your AWAKENING and all the good things that are happening because of it. And good for you, for giving that magicial experience the time it needs to unfold on the blog and not cramming it into one big post. You could post about cereal contents and I would read it, this blog has changed as you have. I will be here until the end!
Thank all good things T quit smoking -Husband is doing it too but with the help of the patch. Otherwise our young marriage probably wouldn't survive!
And smoochy kisses to the ever accident prone Henry. I hope he's feeling so much better without that stick in his back!
posted on: April 03
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victoria winters says:
Wow, such clarity brought by an artfest? I'm jealous - I've been searching for such confidence and surety for years. I eagerly await your explanation! :)
posted on: April 03
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bella says:
WOW.. sounds like you had an awesome experience! I cannot wait to see what's to come!
posted on: April 03
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la vie en rose says:
bring it on girlfriend!!! i wanna hear all about it...every last detail. inspire me!
posted on: April 03
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jes says:
I can JUST IMAGINE!! I'm sure you are totally filled to the gills with creativity and more! You are not a changed person...you are just more of you coming to the surface! LOL xoxox
posted on: April 03
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Joy says:
I'm always so glad to hear of these productive breakthroughs and insights. I can't wait to see what happens next. But, whatever you do, don't move. Stay right there. (also, I'm a little embarassed to mention it, but every time I see "ArtFest" my brain skims it with "FartFest"...So Sorry!)
posted on: April 03
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Andrea says:
So glad to hear that cutie-pie Henry is doing well and I can't wait to hear about your experiences! It all sounds so exciting and fresh! Happy spring!
posted on: April 03
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judyblueskies says:
Hello, lovely one. I heard you preparing to leave in the wee hours from the next room at Artfest and I concur that a new level of existence has begun for us. It was wonderful meeting you and sharing parts of our stories. I felt like I was surrounded by hundreds of circuses at once there and that I could only take in glimpses of each show; it was thrilling and maddening at once!
I look forward to following your journey. Hugs.
posted on: April 03
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Aithbhreac says:
Looking forward to more details! Living in Portland I have often thought of attending, but was interested to get someone's feedback.
posted on: April 03
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Lynn says:
I am so happy it was such a great experience for you ? and that quote from T is pretty darn funny.
posted on: April 03
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Marilyn says:
to left coast Art Fest
sometimes we must leave to find
where our alive resides
posted on: April 03
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liz elayne says:
hello there my beautiful friend. i miss you. i wish we were still out on that beach and that we could talk late into the night. i am so glad that someone out in the world gets how i feel. thank you.
posted on: April 03
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Sheryl says:
So glad to have you back. It all sounds amazing!
posted on: April 03
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nichole says:
i've had experiences like this that you speak of..one of which was my final 4 day yoga training. I came home a different yoga teacher, a different *person* altogether...it was amazing. I'm just grateful to have experienced something like it and hope to again someday.
posted on: April 03
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melanie says:
I'm looking forward to hearing about your life-altering experiences. I had one of those years ago - - I think I am due for another one!
posted on: April 03
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kellyrae says:
i was a first timer at artfest this year, and like you, i'm a changed woman. i haven't even been able to write about it. i'm totally swimming inside a mixture of emotions right now. looking forward to reading your future posts about it!
posted on: April 04
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violetismycolor says:
I am SO anxious to hear how it all went. Just think, I live so close (well, only a 4 hour drive) to Port Townsend, have even stayed in the Officer's Quarters there, and I was totally unaware of Artfest. Do Tell...
posted on: April 04
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tinker says:
How exciting! Glad you (new you, too) are back & that Henry's continuing to mend!
posted on: April 04
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etta says:
Spread some of that inspiration around, please!
posted on: April 04
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Rebekah says:
With bated breath - waiting, waiting for every morcel. It will be a challenge to put such a profound experience into words, but you are the master with words and we will all be better for your inspiration!
posted on: April 04
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Lil says:
As long as the woman you have become still posts pics of the Butterscotch Boys, I'm willing to go along. ;-) Now: DETAILS!!!
posted on: April 06
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pomme says:
Wow! I'm just catching up with your entries. Can't wait to read on!
also, love the Lovefest update. :)
posted on: April 09
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Sorry, comments are now closed.
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