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October 04, 2005 10:46 AM- growing dreams

The other night I was out with some friends having dinner and one of them started a story by saying how they?d run into this woman they?d spent the summer with twenty years ago.

I felt obliged to interrupt the story and insist that all references such as ?twenty years ago? be stricken from the conversation. I mean, come on! Twenty f*cking years ago! Don?t put things in that context unless you?re talking about History. Okay?

Everyone at the table looked at me like I had some kind of emotional disorder. Or perhaps their collective gaze implied I have some sort of issue with aging gracefully.

Hell no. Aging gracefully is contingent upon being utterly unmindful of time. At least that?s my approach?and I?m sticking with it. Fortunately for me, this presents no difficulty since I have no sense of time anyway. I mean what the hell?today is a Tuesday? In October?! When did that happen?

But it is. And I am here. In full. And* despite my best efforts to age gracefully by ignoring the passage of time, I am, in fact, deeply immersed in a profound moment in my life where I can see the ground I have covered to get here and I?m dumfounded.

Truly. Amazed. Overwhelmed. Awash in disbelief. Gobsmacked.

You see, thirteen years ago (not twenty! A mere thirteen!) I had just returned from New Mexico where I had spent the summer studying Native American literature, among other things. T and I had been going out for almost 3 years at that point. However, our one unending battle was about living in New Hampshire. He had put down roots here and I was damned if I would ever put down roots here.

So in June 1992, I climbed into a white Westfalia and headed West; our future together was pretty clearly over.

I was doing graduate work with Bread Loaf at their Santa Fe campus**. Feeling rather bitter and bruised, I enjoyed torturing T by never answering the phone when I knew he was calling and letting the guys on the floor take a message for me. Yes?the woman you love is surrounded by hot, young male bodies who take pleasure in mangling the messages you leave if they pass them on at all. My cruelty was wildly successful since the next thing I know the man is on a plane en route to see me.

New Mexico is not called the land of enchantment for nothing and at the end of that visit we were engaged to be married and I had agreed to return to New Hampshire***.

We moved into an old house that T had bought as a real estate investment?you know, a fixer upper?only there was a hellacious amount of fixing up that needed doing?plus the upper two floors were rented out as an apartment to the foulest people on earth (my friend Ally christened them ?the Clampett?s?) and the best part, of course, was that we were poor as church mice.

Well, poor in dollars?but rich in dreams?oh my, did we ever have the big dreams. Perhaps there was an indulgence of the chronic? Hmmmm, that would surely have fueled the crazy-assed, insane, no way/no how kind of dreaming we were pumping up into the sky.

Oops . . I did it again. I?m on an episodic. Sorry people.

To be continued . . .

* Have you noticed how much I love starting sentences with ?and?? Must be a response to all those years when it was verboten. Yes. I?m pigging out on ?ands,? baby!

** I don?t know if they even have a New Mexico program anymore.

*** Insert all the tequila and peyote jokes here, people.

got 2 cents?



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chlamygirl says:
god i love your installments posts. it's akin to listening to serials on the radio
posted on: October 04

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Joy says:
wow, he went from ignoring you at a party to flying halfway across the country to see you? What is it with men? Or maybe I should ask, what is it with you that caused this change in him? Please tell me.
posted on: October 04

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Sheryl says:
Looking forward to pt.2
posted on: October 04

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sarai says:
and, but, because-i thumb my nose at the second grade teacher who told me starting sentences with these was incorrect. she clearly has no sense of imagination. tapping my feet for part deux.
posted on: October 04

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lizardek says:
A peyote walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What'll you have?" The peyote says, "I'd tell ya, but then I'd have tequila."
posted on: October 04

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la.dauphine says:
YOU ARE SO RIGHT - I have to stop myself when I say stuff like 15 years ago blah, blah, blah. Only people in comfy retirement homes should be talking like that. I wish I had a little bird like you next to me to stuff something into my mouth or give me a little pinch whenever I said something stupid to give away my age. Your companions should feel privelaged!
posted on: October 04

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samantha says:
Yes! Part two! And how could you do anything but fall in love in New Mexico - I mean, obviously you were in love already but now it was seriously in love and getting married, etc - because oh my it's so gorgeous there. And I will soon be married and yes, poor as a church mouse. I will be eating the Ramen out of my lovely china bowls, though!
posted on: October 04

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samantha says:
And - ha, I meant to do that - blogs were created so we could start every damn sentence with AND. AND I LIKE IT VERY MUCH.
posted on: October 04

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Erica says:
Woo-hoo! More episodes! Bring 'em on, baby. And on, and on, and on.
posted on: October 04

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Marilyn says:
I was going to leave a comment related to Episode 1...but then I got sidetracked by Liz's joke. AND I needed a laugh. ;)
posted on: October 05

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meg says:
Argh! Just when I'm hunkering (yes, hunkering!) down to read a really great post, you end it with those damned three words. Guess I'll have to hunker tomorrow.
posted on: October 05

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teahouseblossom says:
"Poor in dollars, but rich in dreams." I love that phrase!
posted on: October 05

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