Hullo, I'm Henry.

I have a calling. I'm supposed to be in Hollywood. There's clear photographic evidence of this fact here and here. And yet. Mywoman? She cares not at all. She lets me waste away my prime modeling years in some bumfuck corner of the world where the highlight of my day is when she tosses me a dry biscuit. It's a cruel, cruel world, I tell ya'.

But since you're here, lemme show you around the place. Here's the side entrance from the dog pen.

They're starting the shingles here cause, obviously, dogs don't care if it looks crap. Right? I tell ya'-- the attitude I have to put up with around here. And if they'd only pay a little bit of attention--- when I'm in the shot it's so much more interesting, non?

Let's go into the living room. Friday night they had their first dinner party with Hammy's woman and man. (Did they bother to bring Hammy so Ollie and I could have a dinner date? Three guesses.) It looked like this for about two minutes til the food and booze was everywhere.

Of course, Mywoman is very clever about keeping up appearances. I would just point out the giant trash can to the left-- a glance in there would show you what these humans are about. Of course the next morning it looked like this.

This is the kitchen. Pretty boring, right?

But add a dog and presto!

Look what a difference a dog can make! Just makes everything so much more charming, don't you agree?

Boring hallway.

Charming chimney.

And I'm not just a pretty face. I can act, too. Here's me doing a bit for C.S.I. Look at the intensity of my stride. You can tell I'm about to uncover key evidence.

But yeah. Mywoman? She's all about keeping me up here away from my public. You might think she's building this entryway for me to make my way down to an adoring paparazzi, but you would be wrong.

So, unless you're here with Horse and Hound, I'm gonna go wander down this-a-way, scratch my balls and lay in the sun. Later dude.

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