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June 02, 2005 10:50 AM- rant and feel better, who knew?
What the hell is going on with me? I come into this site and I have no ffffing clue who this bluepoppy chick is. Truly. Like I need another alter ego--- what I need is to learn how to deal with stress.
Stress.
How I do suck at the stress infusion. And when I say suck, we are not talking about the sound of a straw gurgling up the last dribbles of a frappe. Oh no. We are talking about the blood-chilling caterwaul that begins in the belly of a blackhole (57 octaves below the keys in the middle of a piano) works its way up through the deepest bass notes Luther Vandross can produce until it reaches the ear-shattering shriek of sex-crazed cats on the hottest July night.
What kind of stress can bring on the full-fledged* skin crawl where I am in a constant state of discomfort? The human kind. The people who need people kind. And why do they need people? To have scapegoats, to create political triangles, to agitate the masses and thereby feed their superego. Gah.
Yes, I am a manager. Yes, I suck at being a manager. My basic direction as a manager is to say, ?be nice, play fair, do your job. Fly! Fly!? It?s all I?ve got to offer. When someone who works for me becomes the target for political intrigue and a rousing witchhunt simply because the spinning bottle landed in her direction, it?s a mess I don?t know how to handle. And when I talk to her about it and how her prickly (prickly!) personality feeds into it?she doesn?t want to hear anything about ?let?s all get along???more bees with honey than vinegar?. Oh no, she does not. (and bad, bad me for being such a ?pleaser?). Guess my Helen Reddy "I am Woman" membership has been revoked.
Is it a boys club? Yes. Will it always be a boys club? I don?t see it changing any time soon. Have I compromised? Am I complicit in not fighting the daily battles? Why yes, and yes. Have you not seen Survivor? Do you not know how it works?
This is how it works: stay under the radar. Have no one hate you too much or love you too much-- and then let the big egos duel it out and reduce their own numbers. As they fall out, you move up. Meat and potatoes, people. Nothing complicated.
But, sometimes, if you are a manager, you get pulled into the fray when someone who works for you enters the battle zone. And THIS is when the kryptonite lands on my front porch zaps all my physical strength and leaves me mewling in a basket of dirty laundry.
Have you seen Crash? Crash taps into the very issue--- STUPID UNDEVELOPED egos. People whose inbred misconceptions, false perceptions, terrible fears and boiling rage create the very situations they most want to avoid. Gah. (BTW, I have such the intention to do an opine on Crash and about 40 other things but until I get my paralyzed limbs out of the stress zone and kryptonite-free**, I won?t have any updates there . . not that I imagine you care).
Which brings me to yet another point. Is there anyone out there I haven?t alientated with my self-absorbed tripe? I feel remiss in commenting and de-lurking at your blogs--- it?s not that I don?t visit and keep up with you?it?s just the damn stress paralysis?do you know how long it takes to type with your tongue?
Sigh.
Enough of a ramble for you? Wish I had pics of the dogs instead?
Yeah, me too.
*Let?s see just how many hyphenated words I can wedge into one post as this numbers four, by my count . . .
**What the f--k is up with these hypenations?! Is it a sign of my shattered synapses?
got 2 cents?
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wendy says:
Please, oh please imagine that I care. This is precisely why I avoid that world altogether. Did you happen to see "Trading Bosses" in which they ruined..Ruined, I tell you..that fantastic female-run company by putting that guy in? "more, more, faster, faster, bigger, bigger!" Not that I don't love men. I love them, I do. But remind me again how the hell they wound up running the joint? And Crash? Just saw it. Can't wait to hear in greater detail what you thought of it. So, yeah, everybody clap your hands if you believe...
posted on: June 02
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samantha says:
alas, I am no good at the professional life, and all the managers I've encountered are on their own power-trips or busy sticking their tongue up anal cavaties - so I'm just sending you hugs. And passing you the wine.
also? I love your description of your black hole stress. Not that it's any comfort while you're in that black hole.
posted on: June 02
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wee says:
you know.... this is exactly what I needed to hear. Yesterday i was all feeling lonely and pitiful and thinking I wouldn't feel that way if only I worked in an office like a real grown up person with other real grownups. Thank you for pointing out all that I am missing... and making me grateful that i can sit here alone, in my underoos and monkey socks, eating pop tarts and not worrying about Managing people and political intrique and all the back-stabbity-ness-ness. O, Bluepoppy....please know I mean this in the kindest, most loving and comforting sense... it sucks to be you. Hang in there.
posted on: June 02
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pastamasta says:
My wife is a total stress puppy, so I know well this stress paralysis of which thou spakest. The only cure seems to be about a half-gallon of Tetley's fresh-brewed tea. Try it, it's thumpin' gaaaargeous. </yorkshire>
By the way, you think you have a hyphenation problem? Hah! I scoff at it. See, this is my scoffing face. Go take a look at my blog and count the wee buggers, there's thousands.
posted on: June 02
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Sheryl says:
Rant away. We're always glad to read whatever you post. You could post what you ate for breakfast and we'd lap it up because you do it so well.
As for people? There's. just. no. telling. *sigh* Hang in there, sending hugs.
posted on: June 02
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otter says:
We've all been there, chica. We're all nuts about you, so you don't worry about us, we'll be here when you come up for air. And you will...come up for air that is. Air. And guacamole. And beer.
posted on: June 02
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lizardek says:
Hugs and kisses and more hugs. We've got your back, babe. Maybe you should get a pair of wee's monkey socks.
posted on: June 02
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Heather says:
Rant away. I like your rants. And post pics of the puppers! Just doing that will make you forget a lot of stress, I promise.
posted on: June 02
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amber says:
This is your site, I do believe. Speak what you will because we love you anyway (like everyone else has already said). As for hyphens, my major downfall is just flinging commas around like I actually know how to use them. Hope your inner peace comes gushing back to you soon!
posted on: June 02
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stephanie says:
My most heartfelt condolences, for I was not aware that you are a manager. Ick. Have some cake. I've got some to spare.
posted on: June 02
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river selkie says:
having just escaped the crazy shit at my old job, i am very sympathetic to your plight. though, i was not officially a manager.
posted on: June 02
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katherine says:
oh BP - I'm doing the same thing with my blog friends all over the net and I'd feel awful if my hair weren't already rotating and on fire from the sheer amount of stress I'm under. What the hell is going on anyway??? It's spring for shit's sake - we should be tweeting and running around half naked and blissed - how about I come there and kick a little ass for you and you come here and kick a little ass for me and then we'll be all happy! If nothing else, watching you kick various Albany butthead ass would really delight my soul with effervescent bubbles of "awww-ain't-she-poetry-in-pulverizing-motion???" :)
posted on: June 02
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Cin says:
Hi BP
I've just discovered your blog through a comment you made at Che-la-luna and I'm so glad i did, have had a very enjoyable morning your posts, thanks !
posted on: June 03
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megs says:
I'm feeling for ya, BP. Hang in there, the weekend's right around the corner.
posted on: June 03
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Margaret says:
I notice myself using too many of those dashes too; I think I'm just too lazy to punctuate correctly. I don't envy you being a manager and having to deal with people all day. I'm a teacher, so it's a different relationship and power balance. Adults are more complicated, as far as I'm concerned. Courage!
posted on: June 04
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nina says:
Sorry the stress is getting to you. Hang in there and feel the love. Can you feel it? It's coming right at ya from all over the internets.
posted on: June 04
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Meghan says:
BP, you are no different than the rest of us...we all go through that paralysis and you, like us, will live through it. I'm sorry you have to do that sort of shit work (management). I for one, make a BITCH manager. You do not want me managing your people. My idea of management is standing in the corner pointing. See, you're much better than that!! and we'll see you soon enough on our blogs. I love your comments, but you take care of yourself.
posted on: June 05
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Auntie M says:
I didn't realize you were a manager either. No one ever says good stuff about being a manager. I imagine it is full of stress because you do have to referee a lot. Take care of yourself. Go get one of those fancy massages!
posted on: June 06
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jen says:
being a manager can suck. you have enough power to make you responsible for everything that the really powerful people want nothing to do with (so they structure it so the pressure's on you) but not enough to make a unilateral move to make things change, without screaming for months until someone finally understands what you're saying. I had several minor strokes at work meself last week.
posted on: June 06
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Sorry, comments are now closed.
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