fixation, part one

fixation, part the second

fixation, la troisieme

So, my friend Jane.

Jane has a niece, Belinda, that she adores. Actually, it is more than adores. You know how some little boys bond with their grandfather in a special way? Or how two people meet and they just know they?ve made a plan before they came into this world to meet up and be together? It?s like that with Jane and Belinda.

When Jane was in college she had a rather tough time of it. She had a rather tough time of it in high school, too, come to think of it. And by tough, I mean wild crazy and out of control. Jane might?ve been all fucked up in the head, but damn that girl knew how to party. However, the partying did not end in a very pretty way and Jane wanted to protect Belinda and prepare her in every way.

You see, Belinda?s mom? Jane?s sister? Nice woman, but she was an econ major who played basketball for god?s sake. She graduated top in her class with the Wall Street Journal award for finance from Cornell?s MBA program. Yeah, the mom wasn?t going to have the goods when Belinda?s best friend slept with the guy she had been crushing on for months. The mom wasn?t going to take Belinda to get a massage or a facial. The mom wasn?t going to sit on the phone for midnight hours talking with Belinda about wicca, manifesting your destiny, Mary Magdalene, the chaos theory, or who has a better mascara Clinique or Chanel. But Jane was there for all that.

So one night as Belinda was looking for counsel, Jane began making suggestions for Belinda to ?feng? her dorm room. As Belinda got more and more into feng shui, Jane recommended books for her to read. But as they both quickly realized, these books really didn?t apply because they all talked about living rooms and bathrooms and bedrooms and hallways, etc. Belinda lived in a 10? x 15? cinderblock cell. In one conversation, Jane suggested they write a book on feng shui for college students. Belinda laughed and reminded Jane who it was that wrote Belinda?s college application essays.

A few days later, Jane contacted Yolanda, a feng shui woman she knew who she had contracted with before. She asked the woman if she?d be interested in writing a book on feng shui for the college dorm. She said she?d have to ask her partner, Anne. Long story short the four (Jane, Belinda, Anne, & Yolanda) got together to start drafting up ideas. Yolanda dropped out almost immediately because she didn?t like the ?sha? energy Belinda was bringing to it.

Belinda wanted a book that was MTV-edgy with lots of wild language, drinking, sex, and full-color illustrations--- as many college freshmen might, Belinda kept referencing Cosmo as her ideal ?look.? Yolanda left skid marks in Jane?s kitchen.

But it turned out the threesome left behind was a perfect fit. Jane wrote the book proposal. The three came up with 10 addresses to send it to?and in June 2003, they sent it off.

Jane got an e-mail the following September from an editor at a lovely New England publisher. They were interested. Could she send more info. Jane gathered up a bunch more marketing info and sent it off.

In January 2004, the three were invited to present their proposal at the publishers. It was a full room that day with the president, senior editors, director of sales, PR, and the creative director. The three had planned for Belinda to make the presentation as she was the college student and because Jane is shy and Belinda takes to the limelight like a cat to cream. The presentation was sensational. Belinda (with tremendous help from her uncle who is a web designer) put together bright, beautiful sample pages. And she was, in a word, dazzling.

The publishers liked what they saw and sent off a contract. It was signed in May 2003. But all that time Jane had continued to work on the book so that when the first draft was due just weeks after the contract was all wrapped up, she was able to crank it out. Anne came over and together they spent three full days going over every page and dotting every ?i? until the manuscript was as perfect as they could make it. Belinda was back at college and didn?t even call to see how it was going.

From May until December, Jane was the point person with the publisher as she had always been. And, for the record, Jane did not miss one deadline ever. It was always delivered in full and on time.

First, the publishers changed the title from something very hip and cool to something totally stupid. Their marketing team had come up with it. The authors, decided to roll with it and compromise.

Then, in December, the final drafts started rolling in. The first horror was the illustrations. The three had made super clear that this was supposed to be a very visual book and not a how-to. The illustrations were so awful it was embarrassing. Pigs that looked like dogs, station wagons that looked like Carol Brady should be driving them, televisions with antenna---- this was so far from ?edgy? it might as well have been done by a kindergartner. In 1972.

But they compromised.

Then, the first cover draft rolled in. And instead of 3 authors names, there was only one, Belinda?s. In a very small font to the right was a ?with Jane and Anne.?

Jane burst a blood vessel. She sent off an email to the senior editor explaining that this was unacceptable since Belinda hadn?t written one word of the book and she wasn?t the feng shui expert and why don?t they shove coconuts up their ass to keep the shit from pouring out the gaping hole. Anne stepped in and wrote a far more diplomatic email explaining that this was wrong and actually the inverse was true, Jane and Anne had created a book with Belinda?s help.

Whatever. The Publisher wasn?t interested. They wanted a book written by a college student for college students. It was a marketing decision, they said. (Actually, it was just one person in the group, Dick King, the director of sales and the only male in the group). So the battle was on. Jane and Anne waged to get their names on the cover only to be told to get over their ?egos?. But eventually, the publisher said, okay. Three names, same font, no "with".

And then, the next draft came in with Belinda's name. Only.

Ha ha, the publishers said. Gotcha.

Funny, though. When Jane called Dick and explained that the next person he was going hear from was her lawyer as she didn?t believe it was legal to change authorship, he began backpedaling. But it went on, as Dick really didn?t get it.

He didn?t understand the power of collaboration. He didn?t understand that Jane and Anne could also promote the book and many of the people buying the book for their college age children might relate better to Jane and Anne, etc. Dick had it in his head and seeing as he had his tongue up the president?s ass and seemed to rule the roost, Jane and Anne had an uphill battle.

Oh, and after the FINAL drafts were approved to go to press? Dick had the voice changed from ?we? to ?I?--- because he said it sounded better. Too bad that the ?I?, in this case Belinda, hadn?t written the book or done any of the case studies. This was done in the sneakiest, lowest, back-handed, 11th hour way. And so Jane and Anne began yet another fight to keep the integrity of the book whole.

I saw Jane last week and had a conversation with her.

ME: Hey, the book is coming out in June! Congrats?

JANE: ##$%@*#*#*%

ME: Whoa. So they make it look like your niece wrote the book. Big fucking deal. You always said it was just a stupid little book anyway.

JANE: My niece the physics major who spells grammar with one ?m?.

ME: So, why do you care? The money gets split evenly three ways. It?s a dumb little book, I?ve heard you say it. Can?t you see this is all ego?

JANE: It?s just wrong.

ME: They think it?ll sell more books this way.

JANE: Because, you know, publishing is next to genius.

ME: C?mon. Who cares?

JANE: I was going to use this to inch my way toward a writing life. I was going to use this to show I can write and hit deadlines and produce saleable work.

ME: So?

JANE: Well now I?m fucked. Oh hi, here?s this book I wrote?yeah, my name?s not on it, and yeah, it sure looks like someone else wrote it, but take my word for it.

ME: Let it go.

JANE: I?m trying.

ME: It?s all ego. You learned so much in this process and you know it. Without Anne and Belinda, you would NEVER have gone through this. You know it?s true.

JANE: I know.

ME: Remember that book proposal you sent out in 1998? You sent it to 10 agents and got 4 responses! And then what? You freaked out and wrote them all back and told them there was no book, it was a bad idea. Chicken shit has more self confidence than you do.

JANE: I know.

ME: So get over yourself. Think of Belinda. She?s 21. You?ve helped her through all the shit of high school and college just they way you hoped you could. She?s gonna be a published author with money in her bank account before she even graduates. She?s gonna be in Wal-Mart, Bed & Bath, Target, on the Conan O?Brian show, on The Daily Show, in newspaper articles. Look at what you?ve brought into her life. Isn?t that the most important thing to you?

JANE: Yes, yes it is.

ME: Okay then. Just let it go. You?ve done a good thing here.

JANE: It is just a silly book.

ME: A weeny little book.

So my friend Jane, she?s moving on.

I will however be continuing my fixation series as for the first time ever, I feel like this blog medium is serving me. Kind of like writer?s therapy?I?m writing my way through something and I just know I am going to get to the other side. I might be naked on the other side, but I?m gonna get there.

Fixation V?coming up!

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