Dear God,

It's time we had a little chat. There are a number of things piling up on my brain and I think the best way for us to expel them from my gray matter is to have you explain them away.

1) More snow. There just cannot be any need for more snow. So I have to ask you, why God why? Why all the snow in the middle of March? Wasn't it enough for us to handle in December, January and February? Don't you understand that the oil truck has refused TWICE to come up our drive to deliver oil because of all the snow and ice? (And yes, he is a total wuss and I would whip his whiny ass into matchsticks but proper if he ever showed his face-- but whatever-- we have less than a quarter tank of oil and the SNOW, it is still pouring down). Why?

2) The dogs. How can two such adorable creatures (that I love so much that looking at their picture on my desk at work actually dispels the nasty-ass energy of work) cause me so much HEARTACHE and PAIN? How, God, HOW? If I were to write of their latest escapade I feel certain I would either receive hate mail for being a bad dog owner or lose readership as they could no longer visit the blog of a woman who is such a miserable excuse for a dog owner. These dogs, they are taking YEARS off of my life in worry--- I keep having flashbacks to Suzanne (remember her, God-- the wild woman who lived across the hall from me freshman year?).

As a fifteen year-old Suzanne would come down the stairs of her Chicago suburb home (wearing more make-up than you'd find in the sales kit of an Avon lady) and face-off with her gentle, good-hearted, suburban mother and tell her, "Mother, get out of my way I'm going out and if you try to stop me I will hurt you." (By the time I knew Suzanne she was a seasoned, outrageously experienced wild child who taught me all kinds of naughty things).

Why do my dogs have me thinking about Suzanne? Because I am feeling for her mother! God, how will I ever have children in my next life if I cannot control my dogs in this one? How God, How?

3) My moods. God, why am I so moody? Why God, Why? I think I could handle a couple of varying moods a month-- that seems reasonable enough. But mood shifts in the double digits in a single day? And don't tell me to go get drugs. I don't need drugs. I need you to explain why you built me this way, you wanker. And if you wanted me to be sensitive so that I could create things why have you got me buried alive in corporate America? And quit telling me I create my own reality and you had nothing to do with this. I'm not buying your new age tonics today.

4) Why does blogspot and blogger hate me? Why, God, WHY? I have been trying to leave comments at my friends' blogs all week and cannot access it. Grrrrrr. Is is a pop-up window block? Has my company got wise to me and blocked my computer from leaving comments? What is going on, God? It's driving me batty and people are going to think I'm not reading their sites. Fix this now, God. That's a direct order.

5) Why is Stephanie on the losing team on Survivor? Why, God, WHY? She is so good and so deserving and her team is terrible. T loves Stephanie, God. He wants to ask her to come be his second wife. It makes him very sad to see her suffer. She has everything going on: athletic, smart, sweet, balanced ego . . killer bod. Why have you put her on the losing team God? Why?

There. That's mostly what's flying around this morning. I expect a full report by the afternoon. Thanks ~

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