Sarcomical asks, how long did the Serenity last?

Oh what a question. On Monday I sailed in--- glowing, at peace and my little soul flame flickering steadily. By 4:30 pm that same day, I was growling, at war and my little soul flame was cold ash.

Furious with myself for this up/down up/down thing especially on the heels of such luxury and indulgence--- it was going to be a battle to the end between self-loathing and genuine frustration. Fortunately, I know what to do in circumstances like this when there's nothing to say or do: hide under the covers. And so I did.

Tuesday I got some serious angel help and saw that ALL of this is my own creation-- I know, I know, obvs to anyone-- but more importantly, what was driving me most nuts was my loss of faith in the future. In the future I have been visioning. Just plain old garden variety fear and insecurity.

And so, now? I am deeply ensconced in a place of softness, ease and trust. I have a pact with myself that whenever someone comes to my office door to share the latest insanity, travesty or downright criminal behavior going on at this place of employment of mine I will laugh. And take notes. Why waste great material?

In my surfing this morning I ended up here via Cupcake.

No seriously, it is always a struggle to live well - and by that I mean making time for the things that matter, like art and love and cooking, and making time for the things that matter just to you, however wacky. As well as all this we have to earn our living and stay political, and it's no wonder that people feel that they just can't cope.
Deep breath. Sit down. Close your eyes. Remember. Remember who you are and what you care about.

This was what I needed this morning to reinforce my thoughts. And, oddly enough, she goes on to recount a scene from Touching the Void-- which I watched through my fingers and which has stayed with me in the same way as her friend-- break things down into small, do-able bits. That film just blew me away because not only would I never mountatin climb, but if for some reason I was induced to mountain climb and then found myself trapped in an ice chamber, alone, with a broken leg--- there wouldn't be any first-hand narrative of how I survived. Capiche? It's like that guy and I-- we are descended from two totally different species of human beings.

But I'm drifting.

Mostly? I wanted to convey that the past several months have been very challenging for me. You may want to sit in judgement and say-- pbbffth, girl you're a whiner and don't know how good you've got it--- and I won't judge you back for saying that. It's true. But I'm happy to say that I believe, no matter how things go in the months ahead, I have found my center and the merry-go-round has stopped.

Now. Maybe I'll stop this ongoing homage to NYT and stop being so damned self-absorbed and bring on some real content . . . hmm, maybe a story about growing up in a neighborhood filled with desperate housewives . . .

got 2 cents?