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February 04, 2005 9:02 AM- how to grow an ulcer

Let's Talk about Stress
(Sung to the tune of "Let's Talk About Sex" by Salt 'n' Pepa),

(Punch it, Hurb
Yo, I don't think we should talk about this
Come on, why not?
People might misunderstand what we're tryin' to say, you know?
No, but that's a part of life)

Come on

[CHORUS]

Let's talk about stress, baby
Let's talk about T and me
Let's talk about so much changing
house building, company selling
Let's talk about stress
Let's talk about stress
Let's talk about stress
Let's talk about stress

Let's talk about stress for now to the people at home on their laptop
Gotta keep'em in the loop about whassup
Don't decoy, avoid, or make void the topic
Cuz that ain't gonna stop it
Now we talk about stress on the radio and video shows
Many will know anything goes
Let's tell it how it is, and how it could be
How it was, and of course, how it should be
Those who think it's pointless have a choice
Pick up the needle, press pause, or turn the radio off
Will that stop us, Pep? I doubt it
All right then, come on, Spin

Yeah-- that's the song running through my head. I don't talk about work here (though I could since there are no real names) because it would only bore you to tears. But right now my company is up for sale. This means change. And as any anthropologist worth their salt knows, change creates insecurity which breeds aggressive behavior which means I have to step over mines and snake pits all day long.

People are like mad rats. Scrambing desperately. Monday one of the directors of Engineering announced that today would be his last day. I was glad to hear it since he is a political operative who contributed zilch (unless part of his job description was to try and crawl up my ass on a daily basis).

However, his announcement has created a huge sucking sound around here as everyone (including The Evil One I would happily kill if it didn't mean I'd lose all those karma points) is rushing in to try and take over the position, etc. Not to mention the constant level of gossip and conjecture about who is buying us, when, etc. AARGH. Rats. Wild crazed rats on a sinking ship.

But, then, hey that's just work, right? Go home, have some tea. Restore, renew and relax in the comfort of your rental space. Uh. Did I mention we are building a house? That T is the GC and is completely consumed with this project 24/7 because there is no end to the details and decisions that must be made constantly. Ever heard the story of a couple who built their dream house and then got a divorce? Yeah me, too. We have such different approaches to collaboration, to project managment. I try to stay out, but he wants my input. When I give my input he tells me all the reasons my ideas are no good. Which makes me want to give more input, not. And then, when I just nod and say, "sounds good or whatever" he gets pissed that I'm leaving all the decision making to him. And it goes on.

He is not sleeping well. I am not sleeping well. We are buying Pepto-Bismal in bulk.

And so I sing.

And wrap my raw, bleeding fingertips that I have chewed down to the first knuckle in band-aids.

And read Thoreau.

UPDATE: In addition to my bleeding fingernails, I now have a set of swollen, bloody toes as I slammed my bare foot into a metal cabinet. But that's not why I'm updating. Below is the deputy GC: Henry.

Here's Henry checking on the carpenters (don't they look like they should starting a band?)

Here's the photo T takes everyday. House in front, garage in back.



got 2 cents?



•  •  •  •

Erica says:
Take heart, BP! Chinese New Year is next week -- perhaps some dim sum and crackers will make everything appear fresh and clean and good again, and then you can live deliberately (and happily) once more. In the meantime, I will send warm, stress-free thoughts your way.
posted on: February 04

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Art says:
"In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them." --- That's one of my favorite Thoreau quotes. I reread it constantly when I get overstessed. Sometimes it takes a little while to get to the point where you can live like you want to. Your "foundation" is in (I saw pictures off it!) and it's only a matter of time before the hustle and bustle of the process is done, and you can get on with some real living. Hang in there!
posted on: February 04

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lizardek says:
Oh dear, darling BP...I so feel for you. We had stress up the wazoo when we built our house 3 years ago...I kept thinking about that couple WE ALL KNOW that built their dream house and then divorced. We know some o them couples too, in real life. HANG IN THERE. The house WILL get done. Your marriage WILL survive. If you are not job hunting, can I just ask why the HELL not and then run for cover? Please job hunt. Please? A happy Bluepoppy is a happy internet.
posted on: February 04

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Sheryl says:
My parents are in their 70s and have built several homes for themselves over the years where my dad contracted the work out himself. So many details! Enough details to drown in! It is very stressful taking on a huge project like that and then having stress at work. Do you have any vacation time coming? Could you call in sick and take a long weekend with T? Can you close your office door and stick some headphones on? Bring a flask to work? Whatever it is I hope you can build little breathers into your day, to bring yourself some peace and beauty. We love you. Hugs without parenthises.
posted on: February 04

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Auntie M says:
That paragraph about you and T on the house building sounds like many conversations I've heard about wedding planning (except the man plays your part). At least you realize you're going through a stressful time. It's that half the battle. Have a glass of wine when you get home. It always makes me a bit more relaxed at the end of a tough day. Bon weekend!
posted on: February 04

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gatsby says:
what Art said. and- go rent "the money pit" it's hilarious, maybe there's actually some perspective in it. (tangent time) for me dealing with stress is all about the amount of time that has to pass before you can look back and laugh, (cuz you will, new problems always trump the old ones)- if you can manipulate that time frame maybe you can share perspective. i have a friend that's great for this type of thing- always bringing something up while there's still a sting to it- always at dinner- always in front of everybody- and the situation leaves you no room to not laugh; once you roll your eyes and your smile curls up with the absurdity of your heavy load, it's done. it's just a snippet of your crazy life. these are the good old days. give your man a massage, pretend they're your shoulders, and watch that movie, and laugh. now i have to go write an article for vogue housekeeping. and for crying out loud don't require a reciprical massage just this one time.
posted on: February 04

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bellabelly says:
Oh, I'm so glad you have Henry to oversee things! My Maddie has been project leader on the remodeling at my house--clicking around incessantly on my new flooring with her obnoxiously long toenails that she will not let us cut, and letting out yelps of dissaproval at sheet rock dust being everywhere and stepping in red paint. Aren't dogs the best. And as for your workers-- when is the concert?? I need to get my flannel shirt and doc martens ready!
posted on: February 04

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wee says:
o darlingest. does it help that i'm experiencing a v.bad day myself? At all? Due to the endless (ENDLESS I SAY!) horror of the never-ending, truly awful, so not fun and ENDLESS root canal(s). Argh. T'was was very very sore when I got home last nite so i took some of the Tylenol 3 the dentist perscribed and went to bed most grumpy. Woke up this morning, still in an abundance of pain, took another Tylenol 3 and had a reaction to the codiene. The world slipped down, sideways and to the left and started spinning maniacally (laughing like an insane clown all the while) and I started gagging and spent an hour on my knees barfing acidic foam and well-processed bits of last night's orange into the porcelain maw of the toilet. Ewwww. Freaked Finny J out completely. She tried to console me by vigourosly licking my ear while I worshipped (loudly) at the porcelian altar and has spent the whole day draped across my legs, wrinkling her brow at me with obvious concern. feelin a teensy bit better but the world is still lopsided and my teeth (what's left of them) really hurt and let's just say i feel your pain! But the other day, I was just thinking that if i won the lottery, I would do exactly what you are doing. Build my dream house on a spectacular stretch of land, land were my doggity could zip and run forever and for a moment, I was so envious of you I was struck numb. And lok at those pictures... It's progress!!! You're making it happen, you and T. and it is REAL!! and that's fantastic. So fuck everything else, that's what it's all about baby!!!
posted on: February 04

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Marilyn says:
Nice to see that Henry's on top of things. Do 'The Carpenters' need a drummer? As for the job...what the fuck do I know.? :)
posted on: February 04

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stephanie says:
Remember, it's Margarita Friday. Put a marg in your hand and all those cares just slip away....
posted on: February 04

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frozenmojo says:
sounds like you're having a rough couple of weeks...i could say something cliched like you should keep your eyes open for the rainbow at the end of this storm...but i won't...:-D i'm actually really curious about this house of yours. i'm sure this information is buried somewhere in this blog's archives, but...what will the house be like when it's done? who designed it? are you planning on staying there until you're both old and grey? what's the story, yo? now that i think about it, you sound like you need some direct sunlight, a day by the pool and an umbrella drink in one hand and a good book in the other. is a quickie long weekend vacation out of the question?
posted on: February 05

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Gale says:
I'm sending you lots of good thoughts. Rest and rejuvenate as much as you can, and remember why you and T are doing this when things get rough. You're fantastically brave to be building your own house, out in the woods like pioneers. Well, pioneers that aren't chopping trees and splitting lots, but like you know what I mean. Blazing trails brings stress, it's true, but it also brings exhilaration!
posted on: February 05

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Katherine says:
. . . my favorite prayer: thank you Life for bringing me all of this stuff which I don't understand, which appears as insanity to me, but which I know makes total sense to you . . . thank you for giving me the grace and style to not kill anyone today, and may you extend that same grace tomorrow . . . and thank you for saki . . Thank you thank you, Life for saki . . . :) smooches to you
posted on: February 05

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melanie says:
Funny, I was thinking about "The Money Pit" too - except I bet you are a way better actress than Shelly Long.
posted on: February 05

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violetismycolor says:
Oh bp...all that nasty co-worker crap! That's the stuff that I will NEVER miss about working in an office. And I used to own a knitting store...you would think that knitter ladies would be so laid back but NO!!!!! Well, Zen Out and try to ignore all those negative vibes; then come back to us bloggie buddies who love you...
posted on: February 06

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frecklegirl says:
Have you seen Ellen DeG. singing that song? Oh my gosh, it cracks me up. If you haven't, you need to rent her Here and Now dvd- it will cheer you up or at least distract you for a little while. (I am pretty sure it is that is the right dvd...) The house is coming along!
posted on: February 07

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