December 10, 2004 8:24 AM- full of surprises

Last night I went to a party. This wasn't the company Christmas Party (which is duller than dull and has about as much cheer and festivity as sitting in the DMV), but a departmental Christmas party at a local bar/restaurant. There was drunkeness, wife-swapping, fake boobs, bluepoppy in a fierce competition to win the Pub Quiz (all questions based on arcane knowledge of the company), and the truth about musk. And, T was there!

My god. I was simply not prepared for such an evening.

Surprise the first? The pub--it rocked. You would need to appreciate how absolutely unusual that is this far north of civilization. One, because NH has a law that you must serve food in a drinking establishment all "bars" are actually lousy restaurants that serve microwave-heated shepherd's pie. As for ambiance? The typical bar would have three wobbly stools covered in a green and white vinyl check, a glass jar of boiled eggs on the counter and one beer on tap-- Bud. This pub was the opposite in everyway and a total discovery (new managment in an old dive)--- which bodes well for future drunken posts.

Surprise the second? Women in NH are having their boobs done. I nearly fell off my chair. Sure, if I was in L.A. this would be expected. But here? 18 inches away from me? On full display thanks to a very low-cut blouse? With her BEAMING husband standing over her as if he were Barnum himself selling tickets to the show. And let me tell you people. There was a line to view---- many of the guys I work with are born and bred NH types and this was a big day for them, too.

Surprise the third? People got all wiggy with me that T arrived with my best friend (rather late, I may add, given that I know what time she picked him up and how many hotels are between my house and this pub. 3, to be exact) and her husband arrived with me. Though I'd love to milk this "frisson" of scandal for all its worth-- all I could say to the pin-heads at the party was-- get a life. T and my friend don't work at the company-- of course it makes more sense for them to carpool together so we don't have 4 CARS at the end of the night and her hubby and I work together-- so really, move along if you're looking for an episode of Desperate Housewives. Shall I direct you back to surprise the second? . . .

Suprise the fourth? Bluepoppy is competitive? This is a surprise? To whom? I guess to my colleagues who hadn't seen me in a "gaming" mode before. It's quite ugly, actually--- I compete to the death and am utterly Machiavellian in my maneuvers. Consequently, I believe T received more than his customary allotment of sympathetic glances last night--- the universal thought being . . "you LIVE with her?" . . .

Surprise the fifth? And this of couse will reveal to you yet again my lack of worldly knowledge but I DIDN'T KNOW that musk-- as in perfume musk-- came from BEAVER TESTICLES!!!!! I didn't know this. I should've known this. It is so obvious. But I didn't know and somehow I feel so, so, so--- I wore Jovan Musk all through high school (mock me at will)--- and I guess I want to say I feel violated but really I feel that the beavers were violated on my UNKOWING behalf and so I feel complicit in something wrong. Isn't there something wrong about a teenage girl rubbing the secretions of animal glands on her neck to try and get a boy to ask her out?

Yes, I thought so.

got 2 cents?

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lizardek says:
So, so SO glad I was not drinking anything at the time I read this post.
posted on: December 10

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Marilyn says:
You? Competitive? Who'da thunk? :) Yes, I did know about the nastiness of musk...in fact, I think I may have known that as I was slathering every pulse point with it when I was in high school... Sounds like a great time was had by all...especially those isolated NH men who got a free 'look.' :)
posted on: December 10

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stephanie says:
How ever did you make it through the evening without the jar of boiled eggs?
posted on: December 10

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bad penguin says:
boob jobs -- they're everywhere! Glad you had a fun party. My office party was much like yours, but you've given me hope for my team's holiday lunch.
posted on: December 10

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Coquette says:
Am SO using this trivia at tomorrow night?s soiree. I even looked up the word for beaver in French--un castor. (FYI: testicles--des rogons)
posted on: December 10

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river selkie says:
are some of the musks, like, synthetic or something?
posted on: December 10

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violetismycolor says:
I wish the Christmas parties I get invited to were as much fun. I seem to live in the land of boring...
posted on: December 11

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Margaret says:
That sounds like a lot of fun. (interesting and unusual) I wore that musk too in high school; it was really in!
posted on: December 11

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Auntie M says:
Kind of makes me wish I hadn't worn that musk perfume in high school. Also, I've always wondered.. how do you tell if someone has had a boob job? Size alone?
posted on: December 11

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pastamasta says:
If I say I wore musk too, will I get mocked? Or attacked by irate beavers? Really? Okay, then I won't.

To answer Auntie M's question from a male perspective, you have to look at the top of the boob(s) in question. It's all to do with the way the skin sits on top of the underlying flesh. Fake boobs have a sort of kink in them. It's easier to see when the person is lying horizontally.

Was that too much data?
posted on: December 13

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bp says:
HAhahahahhahahahah! Oh Pastamasta you crack me up---- that is the correct answer that I never got around to writing. Another clue is when the girl weighs about 97 lbs and has tiny features EXCEPT for her size D boobs--- mother nature had nothin' to do with that.
posted on: December 13

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samantha says:
all I know is that Janice Dickinson? is so scary with her fake boobs. And Tara Reid, too. But Pastamasta, your answer was very helpful, in case I'm ever in doubt -
posted on: December 13

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littlehoney says:
I suppose that explains the types of boys that I attracted in HS. How sad. And icky, all at the same time. How is it that in a discussion of boob jobs, particularly bad boob jobs, Tori Spelling has gone unmentioned??
posted on: December 13

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gatsby says:
keep talking about boobs, this is great stuff. also neutered beavers pose no threat to anyone.
posted on: December 13

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stephanie i says:
My name is steph i weigh my boobs you should see them contact me people
posted on: April 13

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Sorry, comments are now closed.










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